deep_city (deep_city) wrote in ed_ucate,
deep_city
deep_city
ed_ucate

Self-sabotage.

Do you find yourself, deliberately or subconsciously, undermining your own efforts by sabotaging your eating patterns? Whether that means within your disorder; eg. binging because you don't feel like you "deserve" thinness, or within recovery; going back to restrictive/compensatory behaviors because you don't feel that you "deserve" to be well just yet.



For me personally (I would consider myself a binge eater; no formal diagnosis, though), my internal voice is something like this: "Bitch, you wouldn't know what to DO with Thin. So you don't get to have Thin. That's only for confident, self-assured women who already know how to interact with people like a normal human being. Seeing as you're a grown woman who still doesn't know how to deal with social situations, how do you think you'd be able to cope with the responsibility of Thin? No, it's back under your Fat Girl rock with you. Weirdo."

I find myself overeating because I'm convinced that the body I long for would bring with it responsibilities, socially, that I wouldn't be able to handle.

Can anyone relate to this?
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