--How I found my way here: searching lj for ed recovery related communities
--ED: in recovery from anorexia
--Questions/comments/concerns: see below:
hi there :-)
i just found this community. this is just the kind of place i've been looking for to seek advice and give advice during my final steps in recovery from anorexia.
i had anorexia/EDnos for around 2 years. i have never been diagnosed, nor have i been in treatment. i have struggled with restricting my food and obsessing over body and food issues. i was already quite thin before the ED began, but because i restricted my food intake i became quite underweight.
i really need to know how bad off i am. i have finally stopped counting calories, which has been a great relief and freedom for me. i eat when i am hungry, frequently throughout the day, perhaps between 1300 - 1700 calories per day. i am just estimating though. when i was restricting i was probably eating 800-1200 per day. i am not really sure of that either. i am 5'4" and somewhere between 94-97 pounds. at my worst i was 90. before the ED i was 98-105 i believe. i am a bit lost sometimes. i still have anxieties - but i am doing so much better... i feel like i am - i've gained a little weight, and a lot of muscle. i look healthier, i do not count calories, rarely weigh myself, and i have been getting my period regularly after having lost it for 5 months. i do not know if i am kidding myself though - if i really am doing as well as i think.
my question is about weight gain, and metabolism for people who are recovering/recovered anorexics. does long-term undereating permanently slow one's metabolism? or can the damage be reversed?
also, i am scared that i will keep gaining weight, and not plateau near the weight i was before the ED. i really want my body before the ED, which is only 6 - 10 pounds away. i loved my body back then. i am paranoid that my undereating has somehow changed my body type, and that if i completely "let go" i will keep gaining and get scared and relapse.
sorry - i rambled so much... thanks for listening. i am curious to hear other people's experiences with the recovery process from anorexia. i feel alone in this because i've never known someone with an eating disorder. i guess i really want some reassurance or at least some information to help make sense of the worries in my mind.