Having a serious boyfriend is probably the worst thing I have ever done for my eating disorder. At a time in my life when I feel like I am no longer myself without an eating disorder, he comes along and challenges me to be healthy and happy and in love, which is the exact opposite of what my eating disorder feels like..I have never felt so back and forth on something in my whole life. I have been with him for 4 years, I have had my eating disorder for about 6..do I really have to choose? I feel like I cannot discover the depths of my control (via fasting and losing weight) when I have someone who is so invested in me. Plus, when it feels like my eating disorder is one of the only things that brings me order and control, sanity and calm, how can I go on without it? I am so lost, has anyone been in a situation like this before?