Despite being heavily bulimic for 7 or so years (anorexic with purging tendancies to start) and throwing up about 3 times on average a day after massive binge/purge sessions, then being sick after eating smaller things bout twice/day (kind of natural reflex) I ABSOLUTELY HATE being sick. Anfter a binge I know I HAVE to throw up, but it fills me with dread. It's such a chore and just generally horrid. I don't feel a sence of being high after throwing up, the only high I kind of get is knowing that i've eaten F-loads then hopefully got most of it out. When I'm in the process of a binge I tend to be totally unconscious of what I'm doing, then when I think I've got to purge now, I tend to eat more/pro-long the binge - just to delay the purge bit.
When i've been actively trying to overcome my bulimia and recover I've tried to focus my therapy on not allowing myself to purge after a binge as if I could stop allowing the purge, then gradually i'd stop allowing the binge, but I just can't I HAVE to purge...but then why do it when I when I hate it soooo much?
Are feelings of euphoria gained after purging? Or is it just a necessary chore? Is it a relief?