achieveurdreams (achieveurdreams) wrote in ed_ucate,
achieveurdreams
achieveurdreams
ed_ucate

PURGING

Despite being heavily bulimic for 7 or so years (anorexic with purging tendancies to start) and throwing up about 3 times on average a day after massive binge/purge sessions, then being sick after eating smaller things bout twice/day (kind of natural reflex) I ABSOLUTELY HATE being sick.  Anfter a binge I know I HAVE to throw up, but it fills me with dread.  It's such a chore and just generally horrid.  I don't feel a sence of being high after throwing up, the only high I kind of get is knowing that i've eaten F-loads then hopefully got most of it out.  When I'm in the process of a binge I tend to be totally unconscious of what I'm doing, then when I think I've got to purge now, I tend to eat more/pro-long the binge - just to delay the purge bit.

When i've been actively trying to overcome my bulimia and recover I've tried to focus my therapy on not allowing myself to purge after a binge as if I could stop allowing the purge, then gradually i'd stop allowing the binge, but I just can't I HAVE to purge...but then why do it when I when I hate it soooo much?

Are feelings of euphoria gained after purging?  Or is it just a necessary chore?  Is it a relief?
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