Don't Mess With Texas (lettucepussy) wrote in ed_ucate,
Don't Mess With Texas

not ready?

i have always seen lots of girls say that they are not ready for recovery and i'm curious as to why, bc that was not my situation at all.
i was unaware that i had an ed for 7 years, totally thought it was normal to feel ashamed about eating, whether it be the years when i hardly did or the years i would eat for hours on end. two years ago i picked up a pamplet and realized, completely, off guard that i had an ed. since that moment i worked toward recovery, i didn't want an ed, i needed to learn to deal with my problems in a productive, not destructive, way. for 7 years this was making and keeping me unhappy, i wanted nothing more but to be rid of it. i wasn't ready to not have one, it was a big tangled web that took me two years to work out before i recovered.

so, when ya'll say you aren't ready to recover, are you thinking about the time it will take you to recover? bc it wont happen by next month or maybe even next year. or are you thinking that when you want to recover you see patient therapy as your option and don't feel ready to start that? or do you just prefer to hate yourself?
i really want to know why you don't want to work on ridding yourself of such a frustrating and destructive problem. i know when its all going your way it feels empowering but when its not going your way its a terrible feeling, so please don't say the high/control it gives you is why you keep it bc that is an extreme that is never constant with eds unless you are very successful at killing yourself in a matter of months.

edit: that hate yourself part didn't come across as sincere but it is :]
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