Reinforcements could not save me now. (tape_queen) wrote in ed_ucate,
Reinforcements could not save me now.

The Value of Body Parts

During my physics class today, my friend asked me if I would lose a toe to get into med school. We both agreed that we would be willing to do so (because toes aren't THAT useful, right?).

This led me to pondering over the worth of various body parts in relation to the whole, and then linking this to the value of the "goals" per se, of some eating disordered individuals.

My question is, would you lose a body part to achieve a weight-related goal? For example, for those aspiring to be thinner, for whatever motive, would you be willing to lose a toe? An ear? A finger? Even an eye? Would losing your vision (or some other sense) be worthwhile?

What is the worth of the entire body if you are missing a part? Would it be worth it? I know this is a really weird question, but maybe some of you can relate to this particular thought process running through my head at the moment.

Personally, in the worst of my eating disordered days, I would lose a toe. But nothing more. As much as it was for other forms of psychological gratification and fixation that meeting number-based goals brought me, a large part of whatever I was doing to myself was for aesthetic reasons. I won't deny that. If I were to lose an arm, a leg, a nose, it would not be worthwhile to me. I could not stand to lose fingers, as being thin would mean nothing to me if I lost my artistic talent as a pianist or as a writer or anything else involving my hands. I would not lose my sight, as I would not be able to admire/or loathe my physical self. Being thin would mean nothing to me if I were not "whole," although this is particularly ironic because I seemed to be wanting to shrink into less. It is very interesting to me to figure out whether being smaller in physical size would still make me "whole," as a continuous "body," or if it would separate me into smaller parts. This could lead onto further considerations of empty vs. whole, etc. etc.

(I hope that made sense... or perhaps, I really am just crazy :D)

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