Sarah (breadprincess) wrote in ed_ucate,
Sarah
breadprincess
ed_ucate

Fakery

Do any of you feel like you are/were a "fake" eating disordered person because you recovered too easily/quickly or didn't stay at a disordered weight long enough?

I guess when I think about it I'm not 110% recovered- I still throw up and those evil little voices in my head still won't let me go. But, for the rest of the world, I am put safely into the "recovered" box. In retrospect, my recovery has been neither easy, nor particularly speedy (going on 4 years now...). But I was only at an anorexic weight for a year and two months, and since from the outside everything looks normal, I find myself doubting the fact that I was ever "sick enough".

Part of this is also a twisted desire to be thin again, no matter what the cost (and yet I'm eating a bit of vanilla ice cream while I type this...how wonderful).

Am I alone in feeling this way?
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