Films about ghosts (ideoteca) wrote in ed_ucate,
Films about ghosts
ideoteca
ed_ucate

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For those trying to recover:

I've been eating disordered since I was a child and am good and tired of it. I really want recovery to work for me, but like anyone, I'm finding proper eating really hard. I have, however, found something that makes it easier for me so I reckoned I'd share :)


I actually enjoy knowing I'm eating a proper, balanced meal. I like knowing I'm getting a proper intake of nutrients and calories because I'm sick of my fucked up body. The portion sizes, frequencies, and varieties, however, make me very uneasy. I'm usually ok when I follow my dietitian's diet to the t as long as I don't think about it too much, but I'm supposed to make my own variations of the meal plan and that's just a disaster. I've been slipping a lot, cutting out foods and fasting, and then fixating on one item, eventually binging and then purging/exercising like a hamster on crack.

Ideally, I would like to enjoy food but I think that might be too far fetched for me. I'll gladly settle for worrying less and just not thinking about it, really.
I was being an insomniac the other day and stumbled upon this lady's website and it was weird because I didn't feel that disturbing food-fetishism feeling I always get when I'm looking at food like pornography. I simply enjoyed looking at the pretty bento pictures. I impulsively decided to give it a try and measure my food, cook it and prepare and then try to do something pretty with it.



So far, so good. I have been finding it easier to stick to my proper diet because I enjoy my food (if not eating it). I like taking my portions and meals and making them pretty. It helps me focus on something else and almost dissociate, really. It's almost like it's not really food. I'm sure this isn't normal behaviour and whatnot, but I've been eating disordered for so long that I really don't care. Whatever works, hey. I think it might help other people, especially at the very beginning of the recovery process.

This website has all the basics, from explaining bento box sizes and care to recipes and time saving tips. There are also a lot of bento communities here in LJ too.

I hope it helps somebody. Sorry it's a bit rambling.
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