becomingabetty (becomingabetty) wrote in ed_ucate,
becomingabetty
becomingabetty
ed_ucate

becomingabetty



Age:18

Gender:Female

Height:5'8

Weight:158

BMI:24

ED:not sure.

Diagnosed/Self-diagnosed?:self, if anything.

My biggest pet peeve about ED communities: how they all seem so catty and clique-ish

How I found my way here: wandered in from lurking about some other community

Questions/comments/concerns:

I'm wondering how I should define myself. Personally, i don't think i have a problem..i mean i know my eating habits and thoughts about food and excersise are a bit skewed, but i'm not sure how far gone i am. For example, i read through the criteria for anorexia, bulimia, and a few of the others and have figured out that i am not anorexic by defination, and aside from the purging could be bulimic. I fast for a few days, surviving on soup and green tea (i'm always cold) then i'll go home for the weekend and while no one is looking i'll eat as much as i can get my hands on, sometimes things i don't even like. I've tried, unsuccessfully, to purge on numerous occasions, but end up taking laxatives or spending extra hours at the gym. After my last HUGE binge i spent an additional 2 hours at the gym (i currently go for two hours, 3 if i do yoga). I currently run four miles a day, and take pleasure in going further and longer everyday, if for some reason i don't do my goal or i don't make it into the gym i feel like a failure. I go because i have to. I run because i should. I don't actually like any of it, but i brag about my newest accomplishment to my friends. Whenever i eat i feel guilty. I think of what the scale will read the next morning. I know i have food issues, emotional eating and "the clean plate club" ruined any chance i had at developing normal eating patterns as i grew up.Most of my normal eating is done when there's people around, and binging only happens when i'm alone and i calculate ever calorie in my head. When i go home on the weekends food equals family and social activies. The weekdays are spent recovering and fasting, making up for my screw up. Anyway, that's what i'm dealing with, what do you call it?
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