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Hope it's okay to do this post, but I just wanted to give a huge THANK YOU to everyone who answered in my last post about exercise.  I've read every comment and just haven't had time to reply yet, but I really appreciate it all :)

does stopping SI exacerbate your ED?

So my boyfriend of 2.5 years cant stand it when I self harm so I have promised I would stop. Ive been doing pretty good but ever since I stopped I have noticed that my anorexia has reemerged it's ugly head and I'm already getting stuck in that downward spiral. Has anyone in here ever stopped self harming only to find your eating disorder to get worse? I just want to feel that pain in my stomach and you cant see any marks so my boyfriend has no clue what Im doing to myself and to be honest... i have no fucking clue what Im doing either. Ive had an eating disorder since I was 15 and im now 24 years old. i was going really good but then he wants me to stop hurting myself and this fucking disorder rears its ugly head. Why cant I just stop harming myself completely? I promise to stop hurting myself because it kills my boyfriend inside so instead i decide Im going to kill my own insides. And I feel so guilty about this I just want to self harm even more. But I cant. So I starve. He knows Ive had a history of anorexia. I was 93lbs when we first met and he helped me to recover but now we are living on our own and cant afford much food so Ive been using that as an excuse but its getting really obvious what Im doing and when he finds out what ive been doing hes going to feel even worse. I dont want him to know. But I just want to hurt myself so I can stop feeling so hurt inside. I sound like a fucking teenager going on about ridiculous angst that doesnt need to be here but im 24 and here it still is. I also suffer from bipolar/borderline personality disorder/adhd/panic disorder and I just can stand the way I feel about myself anymore. I dont even know what the hell im trying to get out of this post but i donno... has anyone ever tried to stop self harming just to find that it makes your eating disorder worse? i feel like its an invisible form of self harm. he cant see the scars so its ok to me, in my head, but its not ok. i want to stop and i know if i really put myself to it and went back to therapy maybe i could but ive been fucked over so much by the mental health system i dont even want to try therapy because finding a person who even treats someone with borderline is a miracle in itself. i cant stand this :(

Do you deliberately injure yourself or have a history of self harm? We invite you to share your experience by participating in a quick online study to learn more about people’s experience with self-injury. The purpose of this research is to understand factors associated with self-injury. The results from this study are completely confidential and cannot be linked to your identity, and all procedures have been approved under the ethical guidelines set by the APA.

You must have a history of intentional self-harm/ self-injury/ self-mutilation, and be 18 years of age or older to participate in this study. 

If you are interested in contributing to this research, please visit: 


If you have any questions, please email Tatyana Kholodkov at tkholodk@uwyo.edu or Dr. Carolyn Pepper at cpepper@uwyo.edu

Thank you for your time!

Oestrogen and Osteoporosis

As I am not having periods at the moment, I have been put on the pill to give me the oestrogen needed to prevent oesteoporosis. But what I don't understand is why women are more likely to get it than men, seeing as men do not have periods in the first place. Why does oestrogen levels affect women's bone health, but not men's? What keeps men's bones strong that women don't have?

Today, I spent the morning and early afternoon in the ER.

Here’s the run down of what happened: I woke up feeling slightly nauseated, but okay enough to do my usual long walk before going to the lab. However, things went downhill during lab meeting. I was presenting today, and right before it was my time, I felt really nauseated to the point of wanting to get up to go throw up in the bathroom. I didn’t, instead I just closed my eyes for a bit, then went ahead with my presentation. It was fine at first. But, somewhere near the end, I started feeling dizzy and light-headed, very rapidly. My supervisor and others were asking me questions, but I couldn’t focus on answering them. I couldn’t think. Then, I could barely hear. Everything was dizzy, and I felt really  faint. I almost fainted, but didn’t (I was sitting). This was all happening very fast. I was also sweating a lot, soaked in sweat, really, and sharp abdominal pain did not help. Anyway, with the help of others, who said I looked very pale, I first went to lay down on a couch, vomited a bit, and then went downstairs to the ER. Things are fine now, I just feel tired and weak.

Why am I writing about this? Well, it made me think: how much of what went down is a result of my eating disorder? I often think any and every physical ailment I may have, is a result of my eating disorder, except for perhaps the flu. I mean, it is hard not to: I’ve had an ED for so long.


Article: Sansone, R.A., Naqvi, A., & Sansone, L.A. (2005). An unusual cause of dizziness in bulimia nervosa: a case report. The International Journal of Eating Disorders, 37 (4), 364-6 PMID 15856497

This will be a short entry, really just a follow up on the findings mentioned in the last entry. In particular: the issue of EDNOS, transitions between eating disorders and how the DSM should be changed to reflect the clinical reality of eating disorders (and what is the clinical reality?). I do not want to repeat myself here, so for an introduction to these issues, please see my last entry.

In this study, Eddy et al followed 246 women who were initially diagnosed with either AN or BN, for an average of 9 years. The main goal was to study the growing disparity between (1) the consensus that eating disorders are not stable overtime and how (2) the current diagnostic criteria which do not adequately address this, by following the clinical presentation of EDs overtime and providing suggestions for the upcoming DSM-V.


ArticleEddy, K.T., Swanson, S.A., Crosby, R.D., Franko, D.L., Engel, S., & Herzog, D.B. (2010). How should DSM-V classify eating disorder not otherwise specified (EDNOS) presentations in women with lifetime anorexia or bulimia nervosa? Psychological Medicine, 40 (10), 1735-1744 PMID: 20047706 

Please comment on the website :)

x-posted to my Journal.

I am a lazy purger. When I was younger and thinner I would throw up everything I ate without fail, and as soon as I had eaten it. I do it now when I feel full or unhappy with myself, so it is often acidic and unpleasant coming up, and I have been wondering recently just how effective vomiting is, in regards to weight loss. Clearly it is not particularly effective as I do it perhaps five or six times a week but am still overweight, but then I tend to do it to reduce the feeling of fullness, as opposed to weight loss. I am not too bothered really, but I would really like to know the biology behind it.

We get the therapists promising us 'purging is utterly ineffective', but I don't think this can be true. Purging anorexics for example must be getting rid of at least some of the calories. Then there is the fact also favourite among therapists of 'digestion begins in the mouth, you know' but I think they don't realise that this means the breaking down of food (chewing), rather than intake of calories.

What are your thoughts? I do wish to lose weight, but I certainly do not wish to do so via throwing up, so please note that this post is for education purposes, and not for aiding with my eating disorder.

Permanent damage to stomach from purging?

I was wondering on anyone's experience/knowledge of recurrent stomach pain after having bulimia?

I started having upper gastric pain in 2010 several months after I started purging. My doctor told me it was probably an ulcer and told me to take PPIs. I did, and it went away. However it keeps coming back (the pain comes and goes, it will feel bad for awhile and then be fine for awhile) even though I continue to take the PPIs regularly. I haven't purged in almost a year now so it isn't due to current symptoms. It doesn't seem to be associated with any food I eat, it really seems to be random. I'm wondering if I've done some kind of permanent damage to my stomach or if this could be something else? Has anyone else experienced this? I know I should probably see a doctor again or a specialist at some point. Any input or personal experience is appreciated. Thank you.


Hey I'm new and trying to recover from anorexia.  Does anyone else go to the extremes and are quite recovery focused but then swing right back to the eating disorder and are motivated in that?  I feel crazy.

How did your center/team determine your target range (if applicable)?

I hope this makes sense without numbers as they aren't not allowed here...I want it to be non-triggering, if possible.

I went to an IOP program a while back, and I was told that "...research shows that chances of recovery are better if the target BMI is "at least  XX...your brain chemistry will change once you hit this weight" to which I thought silently, "and what were the demographics of the participants in these research studies?" I suspect that they were primarily based on studies with Caucasian females. If I gain XX pounds from my top of my target range, I will be in the overweight category according to the new recommended guidelines for certain groups of Asian descent. However, using the "general" calculator, it is Y lbs ON TOP of the XX pounds from being overweight...so it is further away from being overweight. That's a big difference on someone short like me.

I have been unhealthily obsessing over research articles indicating that BMI calculations in relation to actual body fat measured differs among ethnic groups. Specifically, certain subgroups of Asians have higher body fat as the average Caucasian of the same age, sex, and BMI.  There have been studies researching this for over a decade, and changes in determining overweight/obesity criteria for different groups has been used and suggested. This leads me to not trusting my recommended BMI range because I feel that it is simply reflective of the nutritionist's usage of a sweeping belief that I have to be at a BMI of XX in order to be healthy according to other patients that she has worked with (and I doubt a large percentage of them were non-White) ....however, me at a BMI of XX will mean that I might have a higher fat percentage than someone else of my same height from a different ethnic background and I'm really scared to let that happen.

I know my body and my body at my target range feels like too much. I don't think it is my ED talking. I feel like it is unfair that nobody will take me seriously because they will just say, "Oh, that's your eating disorder talking!!!" when there is research out there noting that hey, not everyone was made exactly the same...our bodies are unique based on ethnicity, gender, frame, etc.

Thoughts on how target weights are calculated? I feel like they want to set a minimum of the popular BMI of at least XX  for everyone in order to avoid outcry from other patients who will think it isn't fair or triggering which I do understand.