aquana (nightcrawler_2_) wrote in ed_ucate,

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ED recovery without meds

Uh, please excuse the somewhat awkward and clunky sentences, my first language isn't English. I'm horribly self-conscious here, there are so many smart people posting!

Okay, this has been bugging me for a while. I've read so many posts (both here and on other pages) about how eating disorders are purely (or 80-90%) brain chemistry or triggered by diets. Now, I have a very no-meds-allowed approach - even when I was IP for almost five months, I never accepted any medicine. My therapist put me on Tegretol (carbamazepine) after two months, saying that it will help me with my mood swings and intense anger. I never took one pill - every morning and evening I would put the pill in my mouth and pretend to swallow. When I finally switched to outpatient care, I was able to stop pretending and forget about the whole thing altogether.

Fast forward two months or so - I'm seeing the same therapist, and after a few sessions I was able to tell him that I've never taken any of "his" meds. He just raised an eyebrow - and when (a bit later) I mentioned something about my mother taking sedatives, he told me that he wouldn't prescribe me anything now and that I could forget about that game. Not that I would accept anything - I won't take antidepressants (I've had bad experiences with them - Zoloft and some other pill I can't remember the name of didn't do a thing, and Effexor only made my hands shake so much that even my friends noticed it. Oh, and let's not forget about the delirium when I came off it) or mood stabilizers, and I'm notoriously bad with sedatives or sleeping pills. I don't seem to be able to not abuse them and giving them to my parents to dose isn't an option due to major power struggles.

Funny thing is that when I was IP, some of the nurses who thought I'm taking my Tegretol complimented me on how I seem to be calmer, and how I don't overreact as much. It took all I had not to laugh in their faces.

My question is - what do you think about the pure psychotherapy method? Is it possible? Can it work? (I'm somewhere at the lower end of normal weight right now, so being malnourished isn't really an issue, as much as it upsets me to say that.) I've gotten a lot better at controlling my binge eating, and I self-injure much, much less, even if freakouts still happen. (I had a bad one yesterday, and this was one of the causes - what if I can't ever get better without meds? That would mean that I will always be the same, since I'd sooner kill myself than accept medicine.) I was also able to go to work for the first time in my life, get over my horrible fear of calling people, and go back to school, so I think I can say that I'm functioning much better.

Thoughts, anyone?

Erm, I rambled. That's what you get for being online at 4.18 AM, sheesh.

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