Liz (lolita_flower) wrote in ed_ucate,

  • Music:

I've been doing a fair bit of thinking recently, either because it's I'm on holidays or it's my 21st birthday this year. For some reason, I've often considered it a 'deadline' for me to finish my growth.

In short, I developed anorexia before I finished growing. Now, I may have grown about 2ishcm in 6 years. I've put on weight since my lowest weight...but effectively I'm still underweight, and not back to my 'normal' weight. I've had a bmi of approx 14.5 - 16.5 for over 6 years. I'm one of those 'naturally skinny' people, (my highest ever bmi was 18.5) so it's not too drastic. I've eaten enough to maintain my weight, if not more/'a normal,healthy amount of calories' for years (the only exception being when I had gastro) if not more. I've gone through periods of trying to gain weight with only neligible success and major stomach pain. Once, I went through a period of binge eating where I ate (guesstimation here) 3000-5000 calories a day for about 1.5 months. I gained 3-ishkg, and lost it immediately when I began eating a normal amount of calories again. I'm aware that you need to do three things to sleep: eat, sleep, exercise. I've been eating 1800-2000 calories for years, I exercise everyday (walking) and I sleep well. WHY HAVEN'T I DEVELOPED YET?  

I've never done t

My questions are:

1. Do you think I will ever 'develop'? I feel like I'm still waiting for my body to magically (and drastically) morph into something entirely different. Just quietly (I have 32A cups (just)....two days ago discovered I'm a better 30B I and I don't feel as though I look 'right'.

2. Given that I gained only a few kg over months of large (see above) calorie levels, do you think it's possible I went into hyper-metabolism? I had very bad night sweats (as in, the shorts & singlet i wore to bed were soaked) but I'm still unsure.


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