raychel_109 (raychel_109) wrote in ed_ucate,

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Just joined/Question

Hey there!  I stumbled upon this community and just joined, so I wanted to introduce myself!  My name is Rachel =)

Secondly, I do have a question...
I read your rules, and I just wasn't sure if I am allowed to post this because it's a question, not a discussion.  If this isn't allowed I will not be offended if you chose to delete this.

You all seem very educated and I really need that, so here goes...(i am going to just write this as honestly as possible to get the most honest answer)

I am 21 years old, and live in Wisconsin.  In 8th grade is when I first remember becoming self-concious.  All through high school I was never very happy with my body and how I looked, but I was athletic and never dieted at all.  I gained some weight after high school, not doing sports anymore, about 15 pounds over the first 2 or 3 years out of college.  I had tried diets on and off, just eating less or working out more, and would lose about 8 pounds and then just gave up and gained it back.  Well finally, I decided that on January 1, 2010 I would start a diet and stick to it for once.

My beginning stats:
height: 5'2
weight: 156.0 pounds
bmi: 28.5 = overweight

I chose that day because it would allow me to get through the holiday season much easier since I knew I would be likely to give into temptation in the beginning.  The weeks before my diet I bought a notebook that would become my food journal.  I also looked up tons of inspiring dieting stories and tips.  I joined livejournal, in search of dieting communities and friends to help. 

I started off doing great.  I wasn't exercising much, just here and there on my wiifit.  But I was eating very healthy and cutting back alot.  I was seeing results on the scale.  The first week I lost 6 pounds, the second week I lost 3 pounds.  My parents said they could already see the difference in my face.

As the weeks went on, I started restricting my calories quite a bit.  I didn't want to eat more than 1000/day.   I got to my first goal weight of 136.0 pounds.  Giving me a bmi of 24.9 - finally putting me in the healthy range! =)

As you can probably predict, I began restricting my calorie intake even more.  Still not much exercising though, just the occasional wiifit workout or doing crunches and lunges while watching tv.  But my calories were down to 700 a day.  I would always eat breakfast, and carry healthy snacks with me in my purse.  I would eat mandarin oranges, pineapple, carrots, cheerios, soup, and jello for my snacks.  And I would always reward myself with a good dinner, usually grilled chicken with some corn and rice and a skinny cow (ice cream sandwich) for desert.  Me and my mom got creative with dinner, making our own healthy version of chicken cordon bleus, and making pancakes, and so on...  Just keeping it all low-cal =)

April has just begun, and I have lost a total of 25.7 pounds.  My bmi is currently 23.8.  I have lost about 2 pants sizes.  My goal weight is 109.0 pounds.  I do not want to be underweight, I do not want my bones to stick out of my body.  However, I have become quite obsessive about what I eat, when I eat, and how much I eat.  I have become more critical of my body and my problem areas.  I still am social, but I do turn down certain social events if it is just centered around eating greasy fatty food.  I feel guilty if I eat anything unhealthy or if I overindulge.  I take pleasure on the random days I end at only 400 calories.  I have joined other communities here regarding ED related problems for support, and now have a texting buddy.  I have gotten more than enough encouraging compliments about my weight loss and have been asked advice.  I have also gotten one or 2 concerned comments which I try to brush off.  I know eating this little isn't healthy, I am aware, but I also can't help but feel so great overall I don't want to just stop here.  I still have weight to lose and this way works for me.  This is the first time I have ever stuck to something and seen success to this extreme. 

I guess...this post is more of a question regarding where do I stand?  I don't know if because in todays society eating disorders are so widespread that I keep worrying I, too, have this problem?  Or if I just have a temporary form of disordered eating, that I just refer to as a diet?
I think, if there is a true anorexia problem-I want to be aware.
But I don't ever want to come across as a "wanna", thinking I have some serious problem, when perhaps it isn't anything as serious.

I don't know how to self-diagnose myself.  I don't know where to begin, what to look for, or anything.  I could use any help I could get.

Like I said, if this is wrong to be posting, delete it, I do understand.  But if anyone could respond, or message me or something I would greatly greatly appreciate it. 

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