yasdnil723 (yasdnil723) wrote in ed_ucate,

Stability of weight in recovery

To those of you who are in recovery/recovered, have been for some time, and are at least most of the time symptom free, do you find your weight stays relatively stable, or is it a struggle? In other words, when you are eating the way that is good for you, whether it be on a meal plan or intuitive eating, do you tend to over time lose, gain, or maintain? Also what truth is there, if any, to the saying that anorexics have a hard time keeping weight on and bulimics/binge eaters have a hard time keeping it off?

I was actively engaging in disordered eating from ages 12 to almost 20. My BMI has been anywhere from 19 to 38. When I went into treatment for bulimia a year and a half ago I gained a bit from where I was at the time (around 10 pounds) and stabilized at a BMI of about 26. I was on a meal plan of 2500 and then later 2300 calories for a long time and then switched to intuitive eating where I generally eat anywhere from 2000-2500, average maybe around 2200, more or less on occasion. I feel good with the amount I am eating (and yet I also feel I am pretty generous with myself) and my weight has continued to stay within the same 5 pound range.

I'm not looking to lose weight, considering my personal history I am just fine being where I am. But I fear that because I was at or around my high weight for nearly 5 years, my body has memory of that and will at some point start climbing back toward that. I've heard (and I believe it, too, from the studies I have read) about the rareness of permanent significant weight loss, but I do not know if they apply to people who have eating disorders at any point in the process. I know at my high weight I was binge eating/compulsively overeating, but I don't know if that makes a difference or not. My treatment center told me that while it was a good possiblity I will stay around this weight,  given my personal and family history I could also put on additional weight over time as I age, and I am very fearful for when that time will come if it does. They can't tell me for sure and yet I feel like I just need to know for sure because I don't want to have this constant anxiety over when it's going to happen. The few attempts I've had at adding in exercise without allowing myself to eat back the calories and compensate for extra hunger have actually had the opposite of expected effect on my weight, so I am trying to just trust the process here. I just want to trust that I will stay where I am at...

I guess what I'm looking for is not advice on how to keep my weight down but on your personal experiences of what maintaining a stable weight has been like for you, any input would be appreciated.


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