in the mouth of god all teeth are wisdom teeth. (rawteeth) wrote in ed_ucate,
in the mouth of god all teeth are wisdom teeth.
rawteeth
ed_ucate



Part 1

--Age: 18

--Gender: female

--How I found my way here: I've seen it a couple times before, from browsing through LJ and through hungerbound.

--Questions/comments/concerns: I love this community already and I've only just browsed through things. I also want to say that I am glad someone is on a mission to help people diagnose themselves, without being snobby about it. I am tired of people who see anorexia as a badge of honour, but I am also tired of seeing girls in ED communities, calling themselves anorexic when their stats say they weigh 150 pounds.

Part 2 (disordered members only)

--ED: ED-NOS.

--Diagnosed/Self-diagnosed?:
Self-Diagnosed.
The questionnaire confused me just a little so I am going to answer everything that applies to me.
I am deathly afraid of gaining weight. I would rather slit my own throat than see myself weigh even 20 more pounds than I do now. I will look at my wrists and see that they are thin, but everytime I pass a mirror I just stop and stare at myself. I am a fucking pear. I am thick. I hate it. I cannot see hipbones and that is one thing I want. I despise my stomach and wish I could cut it off. I regularly restrict, but sometimes I will binge. I have only had two binge and purge sessions though, and I hate it, it something I only do if I am feeling extremely desperate. After I binge I get really depressed, I cry, I scratch at myself, I feel guilty and I feel hideous. I hate the loss of control I experience when I binge, and I scream at myself inside to stop but something just doesnt let me. I think my BMI is 18? I haven't checked in a while. I'm afraid to use laxatives because my best friends mom is addicted to them. I weigh 105 and want to lose 10-15 pounds right now. And as much as I'd like to stop being like this, I know when I get to 95, 90, 85, I probably won't stop. I am completely obsessive about it. It's amazing to me how much I think about food and losing weight.

I just realized how much I wrote! Oh my. Thanks for giving me the chance to explain myself, I don't think I've ever done this so clearly before. It's nice to get things sorted out, sometimes.

I forgot to add- I've been like this for about a year I think. It seems like it's been longer, though.

PS- I'm not sure if I make this friends-only or not? I don't think I do, but if I do just tell me. :)
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