April 5th, 2005

(no subject)

Sort of random, but what's up with ed_truth ? Feel a little mimicked...?

To make this on-topic, I have a question for you.

Would you rather...
a) feel that your friends are concerned about you because of your eating disorder, but pester you about being healthier,
b) be left alone, but feel ignored?

Ideally, there should always be a balance, but that can be so difficult.

A parallel situation: A girl says to her boyfriend "Give me some space." He stops calling her. She feels abandoned.

I guess I always feel like it's a no-win situation.

Hair Growth/Loss

I am aware that at a low weight, the body produces laungo, but I was wondering if low weight stops hair from growing. I don't mean hair on your head, I mean body hair, specifically leg and underarm hair.

The reason I ask is that my mom is underweight (although does not have any eating disorder and never has, she is just naturally skinny, works out a lot and eats really healthfully) and she seems to never have to shave her legs.

Maybe this is a stupid question...but I was just wondering. Thanks.

(no subject)

Hmm, I feel silly for asking this.

dictionary.com defines "emaciated" as:
To make or become extremely thin, especially as a result of starvation.

I have heard that you are supposedly emaciated once your BMI hits <15. But what exactly is emaciation?

Not to sound wanarexic...

I know your metabolism takes a hit when you excessively restrict for a long period of time, but on 800 calories a day, with occasional to regular exercise (it's my birthday this week, on friday, so I'm allowed to be lazy...I've been running 10 miles a week, regularly for two months. it's allowed. :p hehe) but anyway. I haven't weighed myself on the Tanita in almost a month and I should be getting my period here soon, so I don't want to weigh because water retention may throw the reading off, and a bad reading, with heavier weight than last time would just ruin my birthday (when I get a bad reading, I tend to be depressed for quite a long time, as I'm sure many of you are.) anyway. Shouldn't I be losing, as least a little, on 800 a day? or have I fucked my metabolism up so bad that I'm just a lost cause?

And, on a seperate note, we all have the "number" mentality; it doesn't matter how we look, it's the number on the scale. I have a dial scale (which are not very reliable, I know) which I weigh myself on regularly just to keep myself "in check" so to say, and it's been around the same for awhile, to my disdain, and I was just wondering if any of you have cut back how often you weigh yourself?

bah. rambling, I know. but it's sort of a vent. i hate this so much. i'm sure i've mentioned that before though.

(no subject)

I had a discussion with a friend tonight about her extreme desire to lose weight, how much better she would feel about herself and how desperate she is to lose it. I realize I have the same thoughts, but she is not eating disordered. Neither am I, I guess, but I feel entrenched in the daily anxieties about food, weight, pills etc. She is not, but may reach that point. I feel that I should tell her everything. Just to get it all out there & also to prevent her from what may be coming. I don't think I can (Okay, I can, but don't feel ready to right now) stop this in myself, but I want to scream at her that it is not fun to stand in the cafeteria for 30 minutes, walking back and forth, debating between fruit (healthy), pizza (to be immediately followed by laxatives, water and ephedra), diet pop (guilt free, but won't help the hunger) etc...I feel like I am being hypocritical, seeing as I just seem to have 'disordered eating' and not an eating disorder. But I don't know why, I feel like telling her. But then again, could I make her understand? And God, I'm not even totally "into" the ed state of mind. I don't even know half of it, I'm sure. But I hate that I can't order food without worrying what the scale will say tomorrow. I can't go for longer than a few days without weighing myself. I can't stop taking diet pills. I don't want that for her. She has no idea, neither do I, but maybe I could help her understand...? Who knows....?

She knows some things. She knows I take diet pills, she knows I like my scale. (Or hate it rather, but it's such a thin line). She knows I 'think I'm fat'. But I want her to really know. That it's deeper than not fitting into a pair of jeans or feeling a little guilty because you had a second slice of cake. Or even a first.

What do I do? Do I tell her? Do I wait? Do I say nothing and hope she figures it out? I'm really stressed over this and don't know what to do...

x-posted to my journal & ed_ucate