May 20th, 2005

Sexiness and Eating Disorders

Is Anorexia sexy? Is any eating disorder sexy?

Apparently the media thinks so considering most "sex symbols" are underweight, or even near emaciation. Some have admitted to eating disorders, some are in denial, while others are just naturally (and some unnaturally *cough*cough*) blessed with freakishly beautiful bodies.

I personally find thin and emaciated woman to be strikingly beautiful. However, I know that eating disorders kill sex drive and, cause self esteem to plummet to the depths of hell, and make body image horrendous. Not to mention how unhealthy and dangerous eating disorders are. Is that sexy?

I have always felt that thin is beautiful and men (or some women) are attracted to that ideal thin body. However, i also think that most people are attracted to health, happiness and confidence in a woman. Sick is not sexy, I don't think.

With this said, when I was at my lowest weight with anorexia, my sex life was non existant and I was frightened to death of intimacy or interpersonal relationships. i was emaciated, sick, depressed, suicidal, insecure... is that sexy?

Now after a lot of work, I am happy to say i am in a healthier place. i am still considered underweight, but i am healthy and I have a wonderful boyfriend who i love and we have a great intimate relationship. He told me that it is health and taking care of oneself, self respect that he finds attractive. I actually am able to believe him when he compliments my looks (unfathamable a couple of years ago). I still struggle with weight, body image and food, but my healthy voice is stronger these days and able to tell my anorexic voice to shut the fuck up. But that doesn't mean my anorexic voice doesn't scream into my ear constently... eh eating disorders are hell.

Many times i feel that anorexia is viewed as sexy by the media, but in real life, most men want the best of both worlds (thin and healthy). But is it even possible for anorexia or eating disorders in general to be sexy???? Starving, binging and purging obsessing and calculating does not fit in the picture of sexy to me, yet why do i still yearn to be emaciated and "beautiful" ...

But anyway, I wanted to ask you all for feedback, opiniopns, experiences that relate to this topic.

Inspired by a post in the lj community answers_on_sex
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Blood Glucose?

I looked through the memories, but I couldn't find an answer, forgive me if I repeat a question.

I am apparently hypoglycemic and I have been instructed to take my blood sugar levels before and after I eat (which is hard to chart since my eating is so sporadic). I was just wondering if hypoglycemia is a common thing with eating disordered people, and if there was an 'average' sugar level that I should try to hit? I believe they told me that anywhere from 65-100 is normal, but some times I'm at 47, and some times I'm at 130. I wasn't sure where I should research something like that.

Thanks! :)

(no subject)

I got married on Tuesday, and we moved in together that night.

I often feel like I need to show Cole that I can be healthy, because I feel that he fears he'll lose me to my eating disorder. It's in the open. I usually do this in a ridiculous way (i.e. I'll eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream in front of him and become sick from all the sugar). I have never eaten this way, I usually do not touch refined sugar, dairy products, or large servings. I haven't been binging, just eating random servings of junk food.

My question is, do any of you feel the need to prove your health to someone, and go about it in a negative way?