June 13th, 2005

Coming clean

I've been in the 'care' of a psychiatrist for the last year, for depression, anxiety and a suspected personality disorder. Whilst my falling weight has been commented on, I haven't told the truth to her about my preoccupation and obsession with avoiding food and losing weight. She knows that I loathe my appearance and am distressed by my weight, but she is under the impression that I am not trying to lose weight - that my weight loss is due to a complete lack of appetite as a symptom of depression and does not constitute a problem in its own right. (I encouraged her to come to this conclusion.) I'm very afraid that if my psychiatrist learns of my problems in regards to weight and eating, she will do something to stop me - and then I won't be able to keep losing weight. At present I weight 78.8kg, and my bmi is 29.8. I am presently losing weight at the rate of 5kg per month. I'm not so naive as to think that I wont have to face the thought of having to eat 'normally' at some point in the future, but I can't let that happen before I can become thin. Once I'm thin, then I can think about confiding in someone how much time I lose every day through obsessively calculating calories. But this obsession is taking up too much. I barely think of anything except what I can and can't eat. I'm starting to wonder whether confiding in my psychiatrist would be the right thing to do. What is her reaction likely to be. Has anyone here confided in a doctor about their eating disorder (instead of being confronted with it by concerned friends/family) and what was their reaction? Particularly if you weren't clinically underweight at the time. Were you taken seriously? Were you able to continue with the same behaviour patterns even after the doctors knew? Did you continue to lose weight?

I'm definately of the opinion that my family should remain firmly uninformed about all this. I'm 23, so patient confidentiality protects me here. But should I tell my doctor?
  • Current Mood

what do i do??

my husband knows about my eatng disorder and is as supportive as he can be. he thinks im beautiful and knows that i dont. he's helpful, but he doesnt get it and never will. i want him to atleast know what im going through but cant figure out a way to explain it or even bring it up...any advice anyone?? it will be greatly appreciated!

hope everyone is having a good day!

(no subject)

I'm currently reading "Appetites: Why Women Want" by Caroline Knapp. An amazing book, one that I would definitely recommend reading. This excerpt was particularly striking to me, and I was hoping the rest of you could share your thoughts on it - not exactly related to eating disorders, but the book is basically about how women are made to feel guilty about wanting anything for themselves. I'm sure it could be explained better than that..

Identifying yourself in opposition to your mother can be such a secret and necessary torment. Several women I've spoken to have evoked the image of driving with blinders on, or navigating without a map, the excitement of charting an independent course compromised by a sense of imperative disidentification: You move on, you leave your mother behind, she can't quite appreciate where you're going or how you'll get there, and all at once you're terrified of the change, guilty about it, thrilled by it and furious at her for letting you go off without any directions, for letting you go at all

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