January 19th, 2006

Simbelmyne

(no subject)

Hey,

This is my first post, so I hope I don't make any mistakes. I've checked the memories but I couldn't find precisely what I was looking for. If this post is not acceptable, then mods, please feel free to delete this :)

Okay, so a friend of mine recently staged a "subtle" intervention. She claimed that she'd noticed my sudden interest in eating right and my recent weight loss and so she thought it might be of some help if I met up with a dietitian/therapist she knows. That way, the dietitian could ultimately answer all my questions regarding a healthy diet. I agreed because personally, my eating disorder has taken it's toll and I felt like I finally might be able to talk to a professional about it. However, things didn't turn out like I expected.

She (the therapist) started poking into my personal life and was so keen on learning more about my relationship with my parents. No matter what I said, she somehow twisted it to portray how controlling my mother is, and how I place so much pressure on myself to meet my parents expectations. I tried explaining to her that I have a healthy relationship with my family and that it was my perfectionism that ultimately drove me to developing anorexia. After my second meeting with her, she still brought up my parents to show me how they were the cause of all this when I am positive their role in my eating disorder is as minimal as possible.

She's now requested to meet me a third time, and frankly, I don't want to see her again! I feel my privacy was invaded and that her constant poking for intimate details makes me highly uncomfortable.

Are these experiences with therapists normal? Have you had to go to more than one therapist before finally settling down on one? Personally, this is my first time seeing a professional so I don't know if her questions and poking are typical of therapists everywhere.

I'd like to hear more about your experiences for those of you who have attempted to either seek recovery or for those who just needed to confide in someone.
  • Current Music
    Welcome Home - Coheed & Cambria
wings

(no subject)

What would you do if you heard someone throwing up in the bathroom? What would you assume?

Have you ever had anyone say anything to you, whilest/after you were purging? What was it? How did it effect you, if at all?
books & glasses & music

(no subject)

Sorry for such consistent updates! I can guarentee you that this is not related to me, and is 'discussionable'

Today I did some shopping. Bra shopping, to be exact, in Myers, where they have those fitting rooms where there are mirrors on every side of the wall.
I looked really bony. I was scared & was certain I didn't look like that. My bmi is 15.4 - and in photos I don't look that thin, I haven't lost weight & also - in my own mirror, I look how I think I look. Maybe it was the light, but it made me think.

Has anyone been in a different environment from their own mirror, and seen themselves as bigger or smaller? Perhaps because it was my own mirror, I am always looking for faults, but maybe in other mirrors I forget that and see myself differently?
  • Current Music
    Patrick Wolf
dream away

(no subject)

Hi, all of you. First off, this is really one of the most interesting and thought-provoking communities I've ever found. I love reading through all the old entries!

Anyhow, I have a question about something-- and I'm curious to see if this is just me or if others have had similar experiences.

I've been diagnosed (quite recently, as I'm sort of grudgingly in recovery right now-- but that's another story all together) with Anorexia, although, technically, I'm ED-NOS since I'm not underweight and never have been. Now, that's sort of where this stems from-- even though I realize that my behaviors (severe restricting, extreme guilt associated with normal eating and really, really extreme self-loathing/very poor body image) are all suggestive of an eating disorder... I've never really felt as though I really have one. In fact, I feel guilty talking about it because when I do I feel like one of those annoying 'wanorexic' girls. I'm terrified of having to discuss it because I always feel like I'm just mongering for attention and pity-- or that I'm somehow 'unworthy' of the attention of my parents and/or the therapists I'm currently seeing. Like, because I've only really been having this thoughts and issues for about a year and because I'm not underweight, I don't deserve to consider myself as really being afflicted with something serious.

Now, I recognize that on some level-- this is the disorder itself. Like, my vision is skewed-- but the rational part of me still sees that I look healthy and normal and... well, in my opinion, not thin at all! Which makes me feel even guiltier for all of this.

Anyway, I'm... rambling and being incoherant. Hopefully this makes sense! :X Basically, I'm just wondering if any of you (ED-NOS sufferers or otherwise) have had these same thoughts/feelings, and whether they are truly ED-skewed thoughts... or is there some truth and legitimacy in this?

Thanks in advance for your input. :)