I have a friend with anorexia who is very very small. She has a tiny ribcage, a small waist & no hips, but with however little weight she has, she's always unhappy because she can never see bones despite being underweight. I, on the other hand, am ed-nos but I have some bones which protrude a lot due to my stature.
Loads of questions for discussion/my curiosity regarding body types:
Do you wish you had another body type? Does body type play a factor in your illness at all?
When you look at bodies you admire/aspire for, what kind of stature do they generally have?
Do you prefer emaciation to skinniness? Does anyone not want to be emaciated?
Also last one, do you like curvier/shaplier bodies of other women while at the same time not wanting it for yourself? I tend to do relate to this a lot, I love it when women have soft curvy bodies (scarlett johanson for example) but i absolutely despise it for myself.
My personal trainer at the gym amazes me. At Christmas she announced to me that the average person eats 7000 calories on Chrismas day, to which she continued "I am going to have 10000". This is a woman who is training for the Marathon, and is pure muscle.
Yesterday she informed me that a person eats 4 spiders a year, without realising, whilst they are sleeping. Then she asked me how many calories i thought to be in a spider.
She then went on to talk about my friend who is overweight, (and who refuses to worry about her body), saying "it is so refreshing to see a big woman happy to be fat".
So, because half of the time I am irrational and suspiciously convinced that everyone else too has an eating disorder, I am totally confused about this woman. I realise this is her job, and body image is in the forefront of her mind, but the way she talks makes me wonder upon her own issues. Maybe there arent any issues, i really don't know and it really isnt any of my business anyway.
Does anyone else have any experiences/thoughts on personal trainers/gym instructors and thier attitudes?
Most normal eaters don't feel like food first thing in the morning. I, on the other hand, get out of bed just because mornings mean I get to eat. Food's allowed right when I start wanting it.
I realize this is different for everyone - how do you feel about it? Are you a breakfast person? Why (not)?
I get comments sometimes when I meet people I haven't seen in a while. Over the last year, I've lost about thirty pounds, and the more outspoken people are wont to point it out. No matter whether it's a "Wow, you look amazing!" or a joking "You thin bitch...," I don't know how to respond.
The problem is, I can't exactly say how I really feel. I can't be like, "Thanks. But um, I'm still fat. And I hate the way I look." I just end up smiling and shrugging it off. It's a funny squirming feeling; I want to bask in the praise, because I crave attention, yet I resent that they're saying it because they can't possibly mean it, they're just being nice.
That's my story. But anyway.
How do you respond to comments about your weight when they concern loss, gain, or fluctuation? How do these comments affect you, if at all?
This is a question which has been playing in my mind for a while.
Do you think that the rise in pro-ED websites has influenced the food/daily calories those with eating disorders consume?
From a personal experience, I never really was into counting calories that much at the beginning of my disorder.. more a case of eating very little to acheive hunger. I'm also finding recovery very hard, with calories being a main feature. When I compare my calorific intake for the day to some people's "personal logs", it makes me feel so greedy- even though I know, logically, that 600 calories a day isn't "a lot".. but when you compare it to someone who has had "-500", it is...
So I guess my basic questions are as follows:
Do you count calories? Do you compare your food intake to others / set limits according to what you see others doing? Do you keep a food/calorie diary, for medical reasons or otherwise? Did you see a shift in your calorie intake throughout different stages of your eating disorder?
(for example, I would have found it very easy to restrict to a very, very low calorie intake.. less than 400, when I was at higher weight, but now i'm at a much lower weight, it almost feels like I have run out of my "resources" and therefore require energy from outside of my own body... has anyone else felt similar?)
Please let me know if this post offends anyone in any way and I'll remove it. I'm looking forward to hearing all your replies. :)
EXTRA QUESTION: Do you think that the people posting on these pro-ed food-logs are telling the truth? Do you ever wonder if they could possibly be totally "normal" people who enjoy seeing how far they can push a group of others? When I read of people who have been on "-1000" for over a week and weigh 72lbs, I start to question biology itself :)