February 17th, 2006

fuck this

bulimia recovery

i was having a conversation with my mom about my 3/4 days of b/p's and then 3/4 days of 'restraining' and how i think that'll aid in my recovery, at least at this point.

however, the more i was talking about it with her, the more i realized: i think the best way to slowly stop the binging/purging madness is to somehow find a way to re-train the way you eat.
to learn to distinguish the difference between 'real' hunger and 'mental' hunger;
to figure out the signals (that you've lost) that tell you when you're comfortably satiated, not full (to the point where you feel like you can binge anyway / need to purge) but not still hungry...

because for me, as a diagnosed bulimic, i can refrain from purging if i figure a way to stop the binges ever happening.

[however, this doesn't really apply to those that purge up even 'normal' meals, of course]

have any of you tried this particular method? i mean, i know it seems fairly obvious, but it didn't really become clear to me until the words tumbled out of my mouth.

when it comes to food, my brain cannot distinguish 'normal, healthy' consumption from severe restriction and out-of-control binging. i don't even remember what it feels like to go to a restaurant and eat without chaotic thoughts/paranoia/thinking of a way to rid my body of it. it's rather upsetting. i wish i'd never started.


So I found out that the guy I'm sort of dating is a former bulimic. I, to my own surprise, gave him a basic summary of my experience with eating disorders, and we talked a bit about it, which was sort of weird for me. What I'm wondering is for those of you who have grown close to people who you later find out have had an eating disorder (or something a long those lines), how does it affect your relationship?
hands down i'm too proud for love

(no subject)

I just recently watched these clips from NOVA: DYING TO BE THIN on treatment for anorexia. There was a clip that I was wondering about where the girls were in a group environment eating their meals. Their eating was being monitored and strictly timed.

  • For those of you who have been in INTENSIVE treatment for anorexia (i.e.: re-feeding), how exactly do they re-feed you?
  • Is it always like this (in group format), or are there other re-feeding processes?
  • Has there ever been a time where an anoretic asks for more food - and if so, are they denied?
  • Can anorexic group treatment be competitive in a "I can eat less than you and win" way? I ask this because I also wonder what the consequences of not finishing your plate are.
  • As treatment goes on, do they increase food portion sizes?
  • From your experiences, are many people in intensive treatment for anorexia willing to recover?

    I hope this is permitted. I have no idea where else I could find the answers to these questions.
  • (no subject)

    Addendum to this post.

    If you have an eating disorder but have not had depression, anxiety disorder, bipolar, addiction, or self-injury - and/or none of this runs in your family - please tell me that as well!

    I find it hard to believe that anyone is an isolated case - meaning there's no history of other mental illness - but I've heard these people exist. So if you're one of them, please tell me. :)

    Thanks again.