March 26th, 2006

waddle dee <3

(no subject)

so sometime last week, i was at dinner with a group of friends, and at some point the discussion turned to weight and whatnot. they were poking fun at one of our friends, calling him "manorexic" though he obviously is not eating disordered, just on the low side of the healthy weight range (BMI 19.5 or so; you can see all his ribs and whatnot, though). however, i find him quite attractive, and the fact that he is that thin factors into that. a bit of a shock; a few years ago, i don't think i would have felt the same way. so here's my questions:

1. has your eating disorder influenced what you find attractive in the opposite and/or same sex?
2. what, exactly, do you find attractive?

i don't think i saw anything about this in the memories. if there is i'm sorry ^^;
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hands down i'm too proud for love

(no subject)

Do many of you notice that people with EDs have a hard time letting go of the past? I am not trying to generalize, but this is something I feel and see in many ED sufferers.

This is especially prominent in people who have been through two or more eating disorders. For example, I was near-anorexic and am now bulimic. I have a hard time accepting the fact that I've gained weight and my body will "never be perfect" as it once was. I can't let go of my old body. It's like going through puberty twice.

We try to fight our bodies. After gaining weight and eating more, we begin to purge, we begin to over-exercise, we even binge more than usual. We start trying new diets, new detoxes, and so on. I have done some things to try and let go - such as giving away most of my old clothing, or fucking the fact that I can never be a raw vegan ever, or realizing that eating 6 fruits is NOT a lunch. But these thoughts come back to me. How come I fit into these clothes before? How come I can't exercise for two hours a day anymore? How come I get hungry? How come I can't lose weight? What's wrong with me now? Why can't I do what I did before?

Jack Johnson puts it well: "Once you're broken, shape won't matter".

How many of you feel this way? That you can't let go of the past, no matter how hard you try?