April 24th, 2006

i searched and nothing came out

This is a tough subject to approach, but I'd really appreciate some feedback on some views of suicide.

My mum made a comment to me recently, about my eating disorder being a slow "self-inflicted" death. At first I tried explaining that it isn't self-inflicted because it really isnt my choice to be doing this. She told me it was my choice to see a doctor and my choice to decide to get up and aim for recovery. I really do not want to deal with my habits anymore. I'm getting to the point where I can't stand just thinking about myself at all. I'm actively trying to recover and with summer approaching I'm searching for a reality check that humbles me or forces me to realize something about myself that I need to get over this. If I dont find it though, I'll probably continue dreaming about being so thin it renders me unfit to participate in everyday life (so, so secretly, this is my biggest wish) In my opinion, it really is up to me.

In that sense, I believe I really am committing a slow suicide. I've lost a few family members to suicide and have a sensitivity/awareness to it, but I never fully thought, I will starve myself to die. (...i just want to be on the BRINK of life and death)

This might be banal, or obvious, but does anyone else think this way, or something similar?
Has anyone made the conscious decision to die by eating disorder?
and, if you're willing to talk about it, how many people have thought about suicide with or without regards to your eating disorder?

okay thank-you

(no subject)

I have come to believe that people with eating disorders and drug problems (and probably other kinds of people), get trapped in a cycle of self-destruction because they all have addictive personalities. We never really break the bad habit, but instead usually just transfer it to another habit. Like recovered alcoholics often gain weight because they turn to eating sweets, as well as smokers, and vice versa. How many girls have shuffled around between anorexia, bulimia, BED/COE, etc.?

The key is to find a non-destructive habit to replace the bad one. Doing this is doesn't have to be difficult, all it takes is having a dream and making it your goal. But it does take effort and determination, and the goal fairly reasonable. It's also important not to give oneself too much stress as this can only exacerbate the problem. There are actually many people who have healthy obsessions with activities, like the scientist bent on his research project, or a volunteer worker striving to help people, religious workers, athletes, musicians...basically anyone who is a professional at something had to work long and hard at it, and usually because they wanted to, because they love what they do!

I'm not quite sure what I'm getting at here. Since EDs are so complicated I know it's not possible to just drop everything like it never happened. But I feel like my ED distracts me so much from really living and that without it I would be able to accomplish so much more. If you could trade in your eating disorder for the chance to do anything, what would you do (or not do)?
hands down i'm too proud for love

Accept Your Current Weight, Whatever it is

This piece is from the book "The Appetite Awareness Workbook" by Linda W. Craighead. The book is geared towards normal eating if you binge and overeat. There is a small section on anorexia and bulimia as well, but this is not the focus of the book.

The piece stresses that once you accept your current weight, you are less prone to say, emotional eating. There is a myth that accepting your current weight will lead to unmotivational acts, such as not exercising or eating an extra piece of cake. This is not true. This, in fact, means that you are most likely trying to motivate yourself by scaring yourself, and fear is not the best tool for motivation at all.

I thought this piece brought up a lot of good points. There was no way I couldn't share it with anyone.

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