May 2nd, 2006

blythe

A question

For those of you suffering with EDs.... how do you feel about your chest size? Is it something you want to stay te same, or is it something you hope extreme diet will change?

Personally, I have never liked having a large chest (freakin DD) since I have small hips, and I look so top heavy. They have always stayed pretty much the same size unfortunately. But I have never been quite sure if its part of my ED or if my dislike of my chest is unrelated. How do you girls feel about it?
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(no subject)

PURGING

Despite being heavily bulimic for 7 or so years (anorexic with purging tendancies to start) and throwing up about 3 times on average a day after massive binge/purge sessions, then being sick after eating smaller things bout twice/day (kind of natural reflex) I ABSOLUTELY HATE being sick.  Anfter a binge I know I HAVE to throw up, but it fills me with dread.  It's such a chore and just generally horrid.  I don't feel a sence of being high after throwing up, the only high I kind of get is knowing that i've eaten F-loads then hopefully got most of it out.  When I'm in the process of a binge I tend to be totally unconscious of what I'm doing, then when I think I've got to purge now, I tend to eat more/pro-long the binge - just to delay the purge bit.

When i've been actively trying to overcome my bulimia and recover I've tried to focus my therapy on not allowing myself to purge after a binge as if I could stop allowing the purge, then gradually i'd stop allowing the binge, but I just can't I HAVE to purge...but then why do it when I when I hate it soooo much?

Are feelings of euphoria gained after purging?  Or is it just a necessary chore?  Is it a relief?