June 4th, 2006

Slender Hip

(no subject)

I've been lurking here for about a year, but I've decided to break the silence with a question that's been bothering me for a while.

I'm diagnosed ED-NOS, and haven't restricted very heavily (or for very long) in the past. My body works the way I imagine it was engineered to work; that is, when I don't eat, I get hungry, and it's hard for me not to satisfy that evolutionary urge. I'm curious as to the long term effects of restricting on the "hunger" function. Do diagnosed anoretics (or those who restrict heavily on a daily basis, but are not otherwise diagnosed) lose the feeling of hunger after a couple of days? Or does the body keep fighting to be heard? Really, does the feeling of being hungry ever go away, especially if you restrict enough, or do anoretics simply develop their own methods of supressing the pangs and urges brought about by an empty stomach? I guess, ultimately, I'm wondering whether or not this disease can actually destroy biological functions such as hunger pains. And if so, would "recovery" bring them back, or are they gone for good?

If anyone could share personal experience, I would really appreciate it; otherwise, just point me in the direction of an article or study, and I'll be on my way. Many thanks!
cephlofriend.

(no subject)


i feel like i have to spill my guts and i have no place to do it but here.

you could say i'm knew to this community, but i've really just been in absence. over the past few years i've been in and out of hospitals for various reasons (mono, mental disorders, ed...)

last april, i was admitted to the hospital becuase i was deemed as a threat to myself and others. i won't deny that i was tryign to commit suicide, boulentarily and invoulintarily. i had attempted suicide many times, i didint know what was wrong with me. i was being treated for depression with zoloft, but that only seemed to make things worse. eventually- i was diagnosed with add, ocd, social anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, dibilitating anxiey, anorexia, body disformic disorder.
i'm 5.10, medium frame. at my lowet weight i was 98lbs. after being hospitalized for a while... and being put on the correct medicine to treat bipolar disorder rather than depression, i was up aruond 114lbs. eventually, through counselling i reacher around 123-138 pounds. of course this wasn't good enough for me, but i remained at this weight because it was still technically very thin for my height, but i longed for the days of being under 100 pounds.

i was taking lithium, and to my surprise, i only gained about 3 lbs. i was exstatic because girls in y therapy group had gained upwards of 25lbs on the medicine. everything was hunky doury until my dosage was upped to 1500mg per day. i started to put on weightlike no body;s busniess. 30lbs later, i'm a wreck. my thyroid stopped functionign and i had to be put 0n more medication to make it work. i know alot of people attribute weight gain on lithium to changes in appetite, but i had no change. while i was not fasting for days and doing liquid diets and eating unde 300 caloriesa a day as i did was i was 98lbs, i was eating healthy foods, 800-1000 calores a day to keep my friensds, parents and doctors off my back. eating this way and excercizing kept me around 125, but to have weight jsut pile on becuase of a medicine is unexplainable.

i dont know what to do with myself. i am so miserable. i restirct, but right nwo im so busy with finishing up school that i have no tiem to excersize. while im at the healthy weight for my height, i feel discusting. i was once 135 and 5.8, but i was solid as a rock ( captain vasrsity FH, versity track and varsity lacrosse) now, i'm 5.10 and around 140 and its all flab. i have never felt so low in my life. it kills me that peopel used to double take when i walked bny to see if i was still alive, and now im jsut anothe average, fat body.

can anybody relate to this? can anybody offer any advice? please:(

ED's and Fish

I know this is the most random of topics. In fact, it's so random, I'm not even looking through old threads to see if it's been discussed before. I highly doubt it.

You see, I've noticed that a lot of people around me who have extreme eating disorders (such as AN or compulsive overeating) seem to really enjoy taking care of their fish. They know the specific breeds, what foods are best, what temperature to keep the water, how to keep the pH level correct, etc. Things I have very little interest in.

Has anyone else noticed a pattern like this? Of your friends who have extreme ED's (including EDNOS with severe symptoms), how many are really into fish? Or, perhaps, other pets?

Do you think that perhaps this might have to do with a connection between low self-esteem and the need to spoil others rotten? I.e. "I feel crummy that I'm so disgusting, so I'm going to buy my fishie a cool new plant!" Does giving love to something/someone else make you feel better?

Random, yes. It's late.

(no subject)

i think my prozac= weight gain, im restricting like i used to but im actually gaining weight on my prozac and my sleep is horrible...since no one trusts me to make my own decisions ive started to wean myself off of prozac and im not taking it anymore. i know its not healthy to amke your own decisions like that but the weight gain from prozac has actually made me MORE depressed. is it really common? to gain weight from meds?

Fear

Just wanted to have a little discussion surrounding fear and this eating disorder being an excuse for my fear. i find that i am afraid of pretty much everything, the dark, abuse, men, aliens, you name it..rational or irrational, i am afraid. Despite all of this, the biggest fear for me, I think is the fear that I am inept. That I cannot succeed in the things that I want to. Right now I am 2 years away from completing my degree, and I feel like I want to use my eating disorder as an excuse for failing. Eg-"i couldn't get my degree because i was too sick" as opposed to the truth "i didn't get my degree because I was afraid I am too stupid, so instead of finding out if i really AM stupid, i got sick and used it as an excuse".
Thoughts? Similar Experiences? Words that need to be said??

condiments

When I want to binge and there is nothing available, I sometimes lick ketchup by itself. Not just a little bit, I can eat a pretty big amount. Although I've always had a like for ketchup, its still a little weird. Anybody do the same thing?