July 1st, 2006

(no subject)

I was wondering for anyone who is bulimic or purges at all, when you purge, do you feel as if you have to get all of it out of your stomach or is it fine enough to get most of it out?

I am different everytime, sometimes if I don't get it all out I become hysteric but sometimes if I purge the majority of the food I feel fine.


I noticed I'm becoming more and more reclusive. There was a group outing yesterday, one on Thursday, my friend asked me for lunch today, another to go shopping, and one to just chill. Movie-date thing on Weds with someone that I would like to keep as a friend, but I don't know.

I just don't want to go out. Just stay home, lose weight, shock everyone with my new size when the time comes. I hate going out when I'm fat and being told that I'm not as thin as I was before. Fuck you. Who made you king of me? Apparently I did, because I want to be thin.

But I'm worried about this: Ny then how many will still be willing to be my friend? How many will be willing to accept an absentee friend for the moment? How do you excuse yourself from all this and expect the invites to still keep coming in? After awhile, they will stop.

Is it just me? How do you cope?