July 7th, 2006

laxatives

I have a question for those of you who have abused laxatives before or have just used them a few times as a desperate attempt to lose weight....but first, a bit of background on my situation:
(sorry if this gets either vulgar or very very VERY honest)

This may sound a little odd, but I've always had this thing about fecile matter since I was...geez, probably around 4. I always felt that it was unnatural and impure to crap, so I would actually make myself constipated. I had to go to the ER once because it got so bad. But somehow I felt that I was dirty if I did infact take a crap.

Now, I've abused laxatives for a lengthy amount of years and the feeling of impurity has resurfaced. Do those of you who use them or have used them ever feel ashamed of their obvious affect on you? For me, thinking or seeing myself up till all hours of the night shitting is so embarassing, yet I do it all the time.
So I was just wondering if anyone felt the same way.
moi

Judging by the scale

Judging by the Scale is a thought distortion that is particular to people suffering from eating disorders. I am no exception. The last several weeks have been difficult for me. Between struggling with a depression low and a weight gain of 10 pounds, I’ve been crazy. Just one example of how I judge myself by the scale is that I believe that I will have more creditability at work if I’m thin. Objectively, outside the disease, I know that’s crap. I know my creditability is based on my previous accomplishments, my level of education, and my current work. But when the disease is rampant, I don’t know that. I think my weight affects everything, brings everything down.

Today, I’m judging by the scale. I’m 2 pounds down from last week, and it makes me feel great.

And it makes me sad that I feel great about that. But I’ve known I started treatment, some 2 years ago, that it was going to be very, very hard to get well. Progress, not perfection. And I acknowledge that I have made progress; I can recognize that it is a distorted thought. My coping statement is: I recognize that gaining those 10 pounds is driving me crazy, but right now, I’m concentrating on getting well; trying to lose weight feeds the eating disorder, and I want to get well.

Except that I am trying to lose weight.

How about you? Do you judge by the scale? Do you recognise when you do it? How do you combat it?

PS - Is this more of what the mods have in mind as an opener for a discussion?

Coping Mechanisms

I'm don't think I have any eating disorders but I stop eating as a coping mechanism for things that are hard to deal with. Well, it's not really a coping mechanism. I just can't eat when I'm upset. Right now though I got into the pattern of not eating due to sickness and situational depression. I'm just never hungry. I like it this way though except I end up making myself very shaky.

Does anyone else have trouble eating when they're sick or upset?
I'm curious also if this classifies as something that can turn into an eating disorder.
Hope all of you are well!
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(no subject)

does anyone else feel that they lie to their T's (if seeing one) in order to protect their E/D's? I've been seeing the same one for like...8 months or so and I improved and then dramatically relapsed...I am constantly lying to her but I dont think she is helping me at all, should i see a new one or come clean with all my lies

Tattoos

Hi all,

I just got a tattoo on the underside of my wrist, and, although it symbolizes several things, I also consider it a symbol and reminder of my strength and how much I want to get better. Does anyone else have something similar to this (ie a tattoo, another expression of body art, or just a charm or symbol that you can constantly see/have with you)? If you do, what does it mean to you and do you find it helpful towards the purpose in which it was intended to serve?

NOTE: I am not referring about "ana-bracelets" or any other crap like that.

Just a Question

Here is what I have been thinking about recently...I have put on a few pounds and my weight now falls in the "NORMAL" range of things for my height.This fact alone has almost destroyed me, I wake up every single day hating. I hate myself, I hate my house, I hate anyone who talks to me or looks at me, I hate my clothes, I hate getting dressed, etc. etc. I am miserable at this weight, but I KNOW that the way that I want to lose weight and the reason I want to lose weight (just to be able to feel better because I am technically "underweight???) is not healthy. So at this point, I feel that my thoughts are still distorted, but my actions are not, and have not been for about a month now. My question then, is this: Do distorted/disordered thoughts (without the follow through actions) lead to recovery (in that the actions are no longer evident and soon the thoughts will fade as well) OR do disordered/distorted thoughts mean impending relapse?
I hate to say it, but I am afraid I am losing this (sickness?? thinness? identity?) and it really scares me.

young and impressionable

today, i was having dinner with some friends of my parents and their two small children. they have a daughter who is 8 years old. after dinner, i asked if she wanted ice cream. she said yes. then her dad joked, "no, you don't need ice cream, you're too fat!" this was intended to be a joke because this little girl is, well, little girl skinny and she's obviously not fat. but i still was shocked that such a joke was made to such a young child!

i wanted to say something, but i didn't have the guts. i wish i had.

have any of you been in similar situations? would you have said anything in this case? if so, what? how do "jokes" like that make you feel?

(no subject)

I am wondering how other peoples family/parents affect binges or purges/fasts/excessive exercise.

Personnally, my mom upsets me and I binge eat. I'm ashamed of it and try to hide it, but I eat anywhere from 100 to 2000 calories within 2 hours. On the other hand, my dad will fight with me and I'll fast or work out. I think its because my dad would get mad at me for not eating all of my dinner when I was very young and send me to bed hungry, but my mom would sneak me food.

Has anyone experienced anything similiar?