July 17th, 2006

survey results

some of you might remember the survey i posted a while ago. i know i promised to post the results, but things got so crazy with school and graduation and moving that i completely spaced. but i remembered about it and want to share with you the Collapse )

Who knows about your ED?

Who knows about your ED? I live at home, so obviously my parents and brother know, and one or two friends besides that (one of those friends also has an ED). Does anyone else keep their ED/ED recovery particularly private? I have a lot of friends and family who don't know. Is there anyone particularly close to you (a spouse, family member, best friend, teacher, etc.) who doesn't know about your ED? If yes, why do you choose not to tell them?

I chose not to because I am ashamed. The stigma of an eating disorder contrasts with the persona I exude. And, I don't consider myself "double-faced." This outer persona is true to me...aside from my ED, I appear and for the most part AM secure, confident, independent, my own person. I've also almost always been known as naturally thin. I didn't/don't like to admit this weakness that goes against my image, particulary because this image isn't fake or just a facade. I start college in the Fall, and I am contemplating not telling anyone at all and starting over new. I guess I may seem somewhat in denial (I am not) but I think this is how I want to deal with it. A part of me feels that if I don't acknowledge the ED's existence, it will go away...although I know this is not true. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?
flea and anthony

(no subject)

Just looking for some feedback here.

When my disorder "began," I suppose, I would restrict. Constantly. Eating as little as possible throughout the day, drinking tons of water, all of that. but eventually, as I got further into it, I began the horrific binge/purge cycle.

I usually go through phases. For a while, I'll restrict heavily. Then I'll just hit a point where I'm constantly bingeing/purging. I don't understand why I just can't stick to one or the other. Is this common among the eating disordered? There's something about being classified as EDNOS that just.. irritates me. and I feel like an idiot for feeling this way, but it's just the truth.

Also, this might sound weird, but for those of you who, maybe "plan" your binges, how do you usually go about doing so? For example, today, for some strange reason, I decided to binge on chocolate muffins. Unfortunately, i tend to binge on sweets.. but anyway.

Rather than going out to the store and buying muffins, I decided to sit down and bake them. Myself. I've been doing this quite a bit lately, and I really have no idea why. I feel like I need to earn my binge, almost. To justify it, I suppose? Plus, I guess I feel better when I purge, because I made it myself, therefore, I'm only purging whatever it is that I made, as opposed to something I bought or somethig my mom made? I don't really understand it.

Has anyone else done anything similar? Felt the same way?
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