July 28th, 2006

  • 15yrs

late introduction -

I am making a strong, attempt toward, dare I say: recovery. Though, I am not congratulating myself yet; this is a mere baby step and if I know myself, I am aware of my many past baby steps that had inevitably rewound themselves - evolving into giant steps backward. I have always walked half way toward the light, only to detour onto the downward spiral. It seems the term recovery is frightening and the idea of reaching and maintaining the ultimate thinness is more of a comfort zone. My common sense is battling this anorexic mentality - trying at its ninety percent to switch it, reverse it - to lean toward what I know to be more healthy versus what I am conditioned to believe is more culturally accepting, more - socially appealing.

I have been eating. I have also gained back lost pounds. Every weekend I make a point to spend twenty dollars at the Farmer's Market collecting produce, forcing myself to consume at least the healthiest low calorie foods, for substance, for energy. Many days I convince myself that I have over_ate; there are still days I starve. This is not wanting to recover, rather a mere attempt toward not falling in the brink of this disease's capabilities. I will continue to have goal weights, whether reached by means of healthy eating and exercise or e.d. susceptibility. And I will continue to contradict myself as part of the nature of this illness, but I see the sun today and its energy has captured me -

such an Enlightening and Pleasant community,
Phoenix.

Healthy vs. "junk" foods and restricting

I have a question about the types of foods you all eat. Would you say you gravitate more towards: a) severely restricting, but when you do eat or have a bite of something it doesn't have to be healthy (ie. a cookie which will be the only thing you eat all day) or b) not restricting quantity of intake as much as restricting types of food (ie. you will eat a decent amount (volume wise not caloric) during the day but it will be something like apples and large salad. I guess the person who fits "b" would have slight orthorexic tendencies.

OK I just read that and I don't think I made myself clear so I'll give some background info.

Also, my question assumes that one isn't in a bingeing mode at that moment.

I have a friend who is a recovering anorexic, but as silly as it sounds, I didn't realize she had an eating disorder for a long time...she is super-thin (albeit, she was also purging), but whenever I saw her eat it would be something relatively unhealthy, such as a brownie or other baked good...and in my mind, those foods are off-limits so I must have thought "she can't have an eating disorder she eats things I wouldn't touch). Myself, on the other hand, many people don't suspect anything because I can eat meals comfortably as long as it is a safe/pure/healthy food. You could say I am slightly orthorexic when I restrict.

So I think I'm asking if you focus more on the amount or the type of food you eat.

weight

How long did it take for your weight to stabilize during recovery? I keep gaining and it's driving me insane. At first I was telling myself it was water weight, then muscle and now it just keeps coming and I'm terrified.

My therapist said that initially people gain more than what is normal then go back down to their standard body weight. Is this true? What have been your experiences with this?

Thanks :)