July 29th, 2006

  • 15yrs

real love, evil eyes.

I have been fighting it, trying at my utmost to not have her - my supportive and loving partner - fall parallel to all those whom trigger me.

I laid next to her dressed in full, my arm wrapped about her nude fit waist. It was the first time in two depressive weeks that I have allowed us to sleep next to one another. I thought the intensity would fade; I was hopeful that the competition would drift and not land dead-center on the one woman whom I should feel at ease. The tension was breathing all its own, she knew there was something - she asked consecutive questions, with tears sliding down both sides of her face, my own tears being held in at best. I could not respond. My mind wanted too badly to run and hide, far away from the ponders, the bedroom, the complex itself - far away from the trapped world in which I reside so uncomfortably - but my body remained beside her, voice still silent, we finally fell into a stressed sleep.

I could not tell her. How do You tell Your partner that they are triggering You; how do You look Your partner in the eye and confess You are in competition with their appeal in the same manner they see You struggle with others of extreme thinness and Beauty. And how, when the canvas is finally stretched - Truth painted on smoothly, how do You continue; how is it You maintain a healthy relationship in such an atmosphere, when meteors exist.

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