September 23rd, 2006

(no subject)

do any of you question your scale's accuracy? my digital scale is fairly new and most likely accurate, but when i've lost weight i always wonder if my scale is lying. i don't have another scale to compare it to, but i imagine i'd think THAT scale was broken, too, just because i don't feel any different about myself. i think it just comes down to how much i hate myself and my body, and how i don't believe i could ever achieve something as simple as losing a few pounds. the more weight i lose, the less i am willing to accept scale's readings.

has this happened with you? thoughts, ideas?

*edit: perhaps i wasn't too clear...even if i were one hundred percent sure that my scale was accurate, i still wouldn't believe it because i could never be thin enough. regardless of the scale's accuracy, are you in denial of the weight you've lost because you still feel huge?
bunny, mark ryden

Triggering Books?

I am reading a book for school, it is called "Beloved" and I'm finding it very triggering. There is this girl, and it often speaks of her great beauty. And it is making me feel bad about myself. There is also this one line, I just got done reading.

"Sometimes" he spoke to Judah "I get so tiered of picking up lace handkerchiefs for fat women that I am sorry I was born such a well mannered Creole."
The character who said this is SUPPOST to be a total pig, but still.

I find myself feeling horrible about myself now and wanting to engage in eating disorder behaviors, I'm not going to, but I am triggered.

Obvious question: Have you experienced something similar to this?