September 24th, 2006

Explanations

As I have been unable to read recent entries and issues lately, I apologise if this topic has already been discussed, or is inappropriate for this community.

Question: How would you best describe the thoughts and feelings of an eating disordered person(in recovery)?

The reason I want to know is, that since my recovery-trip began eight months ago I have been asked over and over again how someone as aware as I am can have an eating disorder. How I can be aware of what I am doing to myself, and still want to engage in such behaviour.

How do you best explain that you don't want to do this, and that it is not under your control?

The problem is that I don't know how to explain to them that I don't want to starve myself, and that I am struggling every second of the day to stop these thoughts and feelings that makes me want to seek comfort in my eating disordered behaviour.

How do you best explain the struggle, the exhaustion of fighting your ED 24/7?

Considering my own situation, I believe that comments concerning Anorexia Nervosa would be most helpful in my quest to educate my family, but I am interested in all answers and encourage you all join the discussion.

Thank you.

(no subject)

I always feel like what I am posting here isn't ok, so as usual, I can take this down if it doesn't fit guidelines.

I am curious about preference of digital scales vs. regular scales?

I personally don't really like either, regular scales because of variance and probably not giving an accurate reading and digital scales because I hate the .5 or .0 on the end.  I don't know how loss/gain of a .5 has become such a huge thing for me.  I weigh myself upwards of 20 times a day if I have access to a scale, I know that is not a healthy behavior.  But it is usually several times in the same bathroom trip.  Weigh with clothes, and totally naked.  Before and after using the bathroom to see if anything changed.  I read something when I was much younger that going to the bathroom was good because you were losing weight by emptying.

Thoughts?  Does anyone else behave similarly?
Mischa - thoughtful/sad

Clothes

I am very interested to know the thoughts of people with disordered eating on clothes and how they decide on what to wear on a daily basis.
Allow me to elaborate.

I plan my outfits so precisely, and choose the clothes i wear to make me look as thin as possible. I know some people like to wear the biggest clothes to cover up their body, and i do that if i feel i somehow look thinner.
Sometimes at night i go through my wardrobe and try on a range of outfits to see if the clothes are baggier than the last time i did it, and to choose an appropriate outfit for the following day, which will hide any fat and show any bones. If clothes are too tight i simply cannot wear them and i feel instantly obese. I try and shop for clothes as little as possible. When i do i make sure i have heavily restricted leading upto it, and if this has been broken with a binge i will not go.

The reason i thought of this to lead to a discussion, is because the other day the weather was really hot and i wanted to wear a skirt, which actually makes my stomach appear flatter and kind of sits nicely on my hips, however i DETESTE my legs so i was in a great prediciment over what to do. In the end i decided on wearing the skirt but i regretted it once i left the house and felt more insecure than ever.

So, thoughts anyone? I'm really interested. For example, are there any items of clothing you would simply NEVER wear due to your insecurities [like a skirt, or a suntop, etc]? Do you plan your outfits accordingly?

(no subject)

Please delete this if this isn't really a "discussion-oriented" topic.  I'm not sure if it is.  I think it could be, but maybe I'm just twisting it around because I really want some insight/answers.

I was wondering if any of you have any quotes or affirmations that help you stay on track.  Does it help?  Do you think having visuals help you?  If so, what kind of things do you use?  I would really like some nice quotes or affirmations to put up in my room.  If not, what helps you remind yourself to stay with your goals/track?

I just want something that will remind me that I'm an okay person (without it being cheesy), and that I can fight my eating disorder.  I'm bulimic, if that helps any.

Thanks

bloo

(no subject)

If anyone in the UK is interested, there's a show on just now on LivingTV about, you guessed it, skinny celebrities. Just started discussing "pro-ana" and mary kate olsen.

I thought this would just be like a gossip type show but it doesn't seem too bad, might even help some people understand or be more aware of the consequences.

I'm having trouble at the moment trying to get my (very recent ex) boyfriend to understand how I feel. I hope he's watching this, but he probably won't be.