September 30th, 2006

(no subject)

When someone tells me, "You're not alone. A lot of girls have eating disorders. Eating disorders are everywhere. It's very common," I always feel worse. I think that phrase is supposed to help me feel better, but it doesn't. To me, it implies weakness. Like I'm a sheep, following a crowd. That I'm just another person. And I want my eating disorder to be mine, and when I walk through stores, I feel a sadness I cannot articulate. I see racks of magazines with celebrities in pretty dresses with the words "eating disorder! bones! too thin! drastic weight loss! hollywood is obsessed!", and I want to scream inside. I don't want this to be common. I don't want the incident of eating disorders to be on the rise. It's mine! I don't want to be part of the crowd! I want to scream out a million thoughts: "But I'm independent. I think on my own, really I do. I don't buy into society's pressures, I'm strong, I'm not vain...I didn't start out dieting to be pretty. I don't want it to be common, I don't want myself to be common. Don't take away the only thing I have."

Do you guys think that EDS will ever become "common"? I mean, truly common, like a bad habit like smoking? If so, what do you think about it/how will you react? Also, how do you feel about the reports on how eating disorders are rampant? I know a lot of girls find comfort in this, but personally, I hate it. Please, don't worry about offending me. Feel free to disagree.

Love you all.