October 6th, 2006


cardio, calorie counters, OCD

The other day I asked my boyfriend how many calories he burned on the elliptical. He had no idea -- he just knew he'd been on it for 30 minutes. I was astounded that he had not bothered to watch the calorie counter. It got me thinking, because I never look at the time, and always measure workouts by calories burned so that I can measure what part of my meals I burned off, etc.

I then asked a few other non-EDed friends -- and my mom -- and they all said they usually did like 20 or so minutes on a cardio machine and could tell me what their heart rate was, but not how many calories they usually used getting it there. I was in shock it had never occured to me that "normal" folks either don't care about calories burned or don't even think to make note of it -- that they look at stuff like getting their heartrate up or how long they go for, when I never even glance at either of those measurements. LOL.

My BF told me he enjoys cardio because it lifts his hormone levels, makes him relaxed and less depressed, and is good for his circulation. I really never felt so different from everybody else before that. Then again, now that I sit and think about it, my thinking of cardio purely in terms of "crossing out" the burger I ate really is a bulimic behavior. And a very OCD thing. Whenever I have thoughts about someone dying, I have to "undo it" by thinking a good thought. I "undo" meals on the elliptical. My boyfriend told me he suspects that I would enjoy my workouts more if I did it to get my heartrate up or have fun or lift my endorphines than to burn calories -- which is true, because I always hate the process of working out, just as I hate having to say rituals in my head to make sure people I love don't die.

Anyone else have this kind of experience? Have you ever noticed a disparity between way you approach exercise and the way that others do.
hello kitty
  • ems882

anyone want a copy of the THIN documentary


I am going to tape the THIN documentary on HBO next month. I am then going to take it to a professional shop and have it copied to a DVD. I will then make copies for people on my computer. Please let me know if you are interested in this. I am going to check again as it gets closer to the time (Nov 15), but I want people to know here is an option if you don't have access to HBO. Just let me know and we will work it out. I will have people email me their addresses closer to the time the show airs. I will not give out your info to anyone. I know people worry about that. I am a dependable, honest person. I will not give out anything.

I can't wait to see it! I was in Renfrew Philly. Renfrew FL is known as the more laid back of the two. It will be interesting to see the differences. I did not have a good experience at Renfrew, but that was my experience. I know they have helped many people. I have just been hospitalized too many times. I know what to do - I just have to do it. Some days I do and some days I don't. Each admission was necessary b/c they saved my life. Has anyone else been to Renfrew?

I also have some other ed movies if people want copies:
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Does anyone else have any other ones? Want to trade? Just let me know.

Please let me know if you are interested in the THIN documentary. Please respond on my webpage so I can try to keep everyhing together. ems882. I am not holding you to anything right now - just trying to get an idea. Take care!


Purging during a binge?

I started seeing a counselor about my ED this past week. This is the first time I've ever admitted to a counselor/doctor/etc. that I have an eating disorder, so this is the first time I've been able to actually ask questions and have a real conversation with an educated professional on the subject. How exciting!

We were discussing my habits and I explained to him that I binge and purge, but purge multiple times throughout a binge. He then told me that a real binger will finish everything before purging. This struck me as very odd, because I cannot fathom being able to fit such a quantity of food into my stomach and honestly assumed that purging multiple times throughout a binge was quite normal.

My questions:
- Did we misunderstand each other and purging throughout a binge is actually a fairly normal occurrence? Do any of you do this?
- If you purge through other means (exercise, etc.) or don't purge, would you say your binges are restricted by the size of your stomach? Do you feel "cut off" or as if you would continue bingeing, were you not so full?

Any other discussion/insight is greatly appreciated, of course!