February 15th, 2007

waterhouse

snippet from 'overcoming bulimia' workbook--graph & my own analysis from may, 2004

i found the following table while searching through an old document in which i used to store planned posts to LJ and other personal diary stuff in spring, 2004 when i was doing a 5-month internship in berlin, germany and didn't have internet in the plattenbau apt. where we international interns/scholars were housed out in the industrial boondocks... 

it was really interesting for me to review how i weighed the pros/cons of my ED and of recovery at that time; esp. since i wound up being consistently active in my ED for another good 2 1/2 years!  despite therapy and stabs / personal intentions aimed at recovery... 
maybe it would be useful to others of you to make a similar graph, maybe not.

22.5.04 - a snippet from overcoming bulimia workbook - i have been filling some of it out and the 'decisional balance worksheet' chart got real messy and smeary so i am going to type it up. 

Collapse )

SUMMARY/ANALYSIS:

contradictions in my costs/benefits?  
besides the fact that recovery wouldn't necessarily mean not being lonely/unfulfilled and could still involve me not knowing what to do with my life/how, contradiction = cost and benefit of ED in terms of distraction from loneliness and job-school-life-related decision-making!

process of recovery? how do benefits compare to costs? 
my logical side has known from beginning that not having an ED would be better/healthier but i have it anyway and for reasons, good or not. i am not insane. but the probs of loneliness and frustration / disappointment / not figuring out what i want to do / finding interesting job and getting hired remain whether or not i recover, though i suppose recovering could be beneficial for dealing and in any case probably not detrimental compared to not recovering... **i am not yet more than 45-70% committed to immediate recovery, i guess...**

**=i found this bit particularly telling.

{x-posted to my own journal & to life_beyond_eds}

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Eating disorder and addiction articles in Elle...

FYI, in the most recent US Elle (the one with Jessica Simpson on the cover) there are two excellent articles on eating disorders (which is also an interview with the incredibly articulate former anoretic Aimee Liu) and addiction. If anyone wants, I can try and type them up, but I just thought I'd let you guys know that they're out there.