April 4th, 2007

(no subject)

It's been a long time since I last posted to livejournal as I've only just realised that, while I once considered myself fully recovered, I'm still at risk of relapse. This being a product of several lifestyle changes, returning to uni, chronic illness and financial stress to the extent that I neglected to take particular attention to look after my nutritional needs. I am at the stage of "contemplating change," whereby I realise that unless I start eating now I'm likely to spend the next four years succumbed to anoh-wreck-sia's tight grasp. And I am determined not to let that happen.

My questions/comments for you guys:
1. I didn't knowingly relapse.. I figured I was healthy and out of the danger zone, so I stopped caring so much. Has anyone else had this happen? And, Does. It. Ever. Stop?!
2. Do you ever feel like a failure for going through the same old processes and still feel like you're not getting anywhere?
3. Is it possible to relapse physically, but not emotionally? I skip meals, yes, but I'm still relatively alert and capable. A little stressed about schoolwork but nothing compared to the last few years. The driving force behind my behaviours is generally "too little time, too much effort etc." I know I'm making excuses but as yet it's not the classic "argh! too many calories!!"
4. Do you find that exercise helps? I've been warned not to partake in physical activity until my weight has stabalised, but in the past I've found it to improve my energy levels and general well-being. I'm eager to give it a shot, but cautious of over-exercising.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
red dress time

(no subject)

I ve been a member for a while, but right after that I had to be hospitalized for anorexia/ bulimia, so I never got a chance to post. I just finally, finally got out of the hospital last week, and Ive been extremely depressed. I gained 60 pounds while I was there. It hurts to even say it. Ive been so depressed since Ive been home because none of my clothes fit anymore and I had to take medical leave from school since I was gone for so long and everything in my life is just screwing up right now. I feel like a failure. I went from 120 to 180, and now its honestly like I cant even live in my own body. i just dont know what to do. I really need some support. Whoever in here has been hospitalized, id really like to hear your stories of everything, llike how you felt afterward with your new bodies and just whatever you can tell me. I'm just so sad about everything. If anyone wants to be IM buddies or anything, my screename is angelicasj315.

Please tell me whatever you can about my situation, I'm in so deep that I cant see a way out.