divulgent (divulgent) wrote in ed_ucate,

To Die For

by Carol Lee

Just read this book- its one of the first ED books I've read that I think is actually really truthful and takes away any supposed 'glamour' there might be. I really recommend it if you haven't already read it.

Anyway- just a little excerpt

'...And what about the fear of being fat when you are so thin, I ask her, and the sense of identity, of people with anorexia seeing themselves differently?

'A lot of the time when people with anorexia say they feel fat they're saying they feel something else.

'It's more "I feel wrong. There's something not right here and I don't know what it is but I'm going to call it "fat".

'It's more that you feel "bad". If you're thin, then having a mouthful of food doesn't suddenly make you fat.'

I was just wondering what everyone else thinks their word "fat" is a substitute for?

I'm overweight therefore I am always fat, yet i have a "fat" feeling which is separate from that. I do think it is like feeling bad- but specifically for me I usually feel it when I've been too loud, taken up too much space, too much of someone's time- usually I've annoyed myself and feel my presence has been too large, too 'fat' and I feel guilty for it and it's at those points where my eating disorder is worst.

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