I promised myself I was going to attempt recovery, but weight gain is just not something I can accept. I have two scales; one's a digital Tanita body fat one, one's a dial scale. The dial scale, a week ago, said I weighed 116, while the Tanita told me 121. A few days later, the dial told me 117, the Tanita told me 123.8...needless to say I was freaking out, especially since back in mid-March, I was 112, 113 on the dial, and 116 on the Tanita. I have not been eating enough in excess to gain that type of weight. Maybe 3 pounds, because I'm running at the same time, but I have not been eating more than 1000-1200 a day. Yet, it seems I have, and I don't know why.
I've tried to up my calories, stick with my exercise, all that. And now I have a question. I've searched all of Google for the answer and can't find one really...
I skipped my period in April. Now, in May, for the past week and a half, I'm now up to 120 on my dial, god knows what on the Tanita because I'm too afraid to actually step on it, and am bloating, have major cramps and so on...but no period!! What I don't get, is it's been like this for a good week and a half! Should I see a doctor about this? I'm pretty sure it's some sort of period cramp thing, but it's not coming. How many of you have had problems similar to this?
I want to be better; I want to be able to go out and eat with my family without freaking out. But my highest weight was 135 and I'm about 10-15 pounds close to that and it's just too close for me. And my weight keeps going up, for no reason. Is my body just trying to tell me something? Do you think that the human body will ever just get to a point where it says "no more"? I got down to around 105 a year & a half ago and now, even on a very restricted diet with running...nothing happens. I just don't understand...I just feel very inadequate...and even more hateful of this body.
Rant type part, coming up:
I think this is somewhat of a control issue though, in a twisted way. I don't understand what is happening with my body, and it is frustrating me to no end. A calorie is a calorie, either way, and on 1000 calories, I definitely shouldn't be gaining weight. My body is going against everything I've read, everything that's happened before, and I don't know why, and it's so frustrating! I just...gah. I just wish someone could tell me what's going on and that's why I posted that here, instead of like, my personal journal. No one ever reads my journal and I was hoping that someone here that may have experianced something similar could give me a little insight.