figuranta (figuranta) wrote in ed_ucate,
figuranta
figuranta
ed_ucate

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Coming clean

I've been in the 'care' of a psychiatrist for the last year, for depression, anxiety and a suspected personality disorder. Whilst my falling weight has been commented on, I haven't told the truth to her about my preoccupation and obsession with avoiding food and losing weight. She knows that I loathe my appearance and am distressed by my weight, but she is under the impression that I am not trying to lose weight - that my weight loss is due to a complete lack of appetite as a symptom of depression and does not constitute a problem in its own right. (I encouraged her to come to this conclusion.) I'm very afraid that if my psychiatrist learns of my problems in regards to weight and eating, she will do something to stop me - and then I won't be able to keep losing weight. At present I weight 78.8kg, and my bmi is 29.8. I am presently losing weight at the rate of 5kg per month. I'm not so naive as to think that I wont have to face the thought of having to eat 'normally' at some point in the future, but I can't let that happen before I can become thin. Once I'm thin, then I can think about confiding in someone how much time I lose every day through obsessively calculating calories. But this obsession is taking up too much. I barely think of anything except what I can and can't eat. I'm starting to wonder whether confiding in my psychiatrist would be the right thing to do. What is her reaction likely to be. Has anyone here confided in a doctor about their eating disorder (instead of being confronted with it by concerned friends/family) and what was their reaction? Particularly if you weren't clinically underweight at the time. Were you taken seriously? Were you able to continue with the same behaviour patterns even after the doctors knew? Did you continue to lose weight?

I'm definately of the opinion that my family should remain firmly uninformed about all this. I'm 23, so patient confidentiality protects me here. But should I tell my doctor?
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