.f.c.u.k. .f.o.o.d. (fcukfood) wrote in ed_ucate,
.f.c.u.k. .f.o.o.d.
fcukfood
ed_ucate

Introduction

Hello everyone my name is "" and I am practically eighteen years old (less than two weeks away!) I've had an eating disorder (I really dislike saying that so you'll find I'll be saying "eating problem" as I find I fit more in to that ...word. Not sure) since I was 14. Nothing extreme. Got down to [insert number here] from [insert number here!] and was in the hospital for awhile...came out more unstable [mentally] than before *sigh* :( I am torn between what knowing is right and wrong for my body but the thing is do I deserve what is right for my body rather than what is wrong. I don't know. I'm at the point now where I want to lose weight BADLY but I'm also at the point [I think] where I know I am NOT just a number :D [I think...] so that be said, here is my question [could be triggering] I've had a little "problem" with chewing and spitting out food. At first when it started [two years ago about] it was just very seldomly when I had a brownie or something that scared me, in my possesion. Though now it's gotten MUCH worse [I've noticed, 10 times more worse since I've put on weight and got through with treatment] I now catch myself going on "food sprees" and buying BOXES of cakes and cookies and sweet things, and going in my room, turning up the music, and you know...chomp chomp. I feel bad because, before I started buying my own food to chew and spit out, I would go through a LARGE jar of peanut butter and a few loaves of bread within a week at my mothers, and my mother and her fiance [who I live with] cannot afford to keep buying that stuff!! My mom eventually found out and even bought me less expensive bread that I could chew-up but that didn't help. Now she just thinks I am eating it when I fix myself something and bring it down to my room, but I usually spit it in a bag or a bowl and hide it under my chair to throw away later. I even filled up an extra large trash bag FULL of spit out/half digested food! I didn't even realise it smelled or anything until my mother asked why my room smelt so "foul" I am so embarassed about this problem. Has anyone here had any experience with chewing and spitting out food and have you overcome it? I find it extremley addicting, I tell myself why not just have a bite and see how I feel or try to eat it and maybe work out afterwards or something, but as soon as I have it in my mouth and am chewing it I have to spit it out. I feel so...I don't know, not normal for one reason, because what I am doing is not normal, but also embarassed. How did you overcome chewing and spitting? I talked to my therapist about it and she seems quite concerned [any harmful affects it leaves? She won't tell me] and she gave me a work sheet. To write down my "feelings" when I have the urge etc, and how I over come it, but I lost it :( and I don't think it'd help. Is there any chance of weening myself off it or anything? Thanks for reading and PLEASE add me if you'd like.
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