crystal_clear13 (crystal_clear13) wrote in ed_ucate,


Community Question:
If you could eat whatever you wanted, and not gain weight, do you think you'd still have an ED?

I am ED-NOS now that my period is back and I purge when I am not fasting... I often wonder if I would eat whatever I wanted if I couldn't gain weight from it. Before February, I would have said yes. I had a bad body image and disordered thoughts about food, etc, before, because I was a 'recreational bulimic' for years... Then the trigger, my 26th birthday, and I start the obsessive thoughts of weight, food, etc. My point: I don't know if I'll ever be able to just eat without thinking about calories again, and I think if I stayed at this weight, I wouldn't be able to either. I've gained and lost the same five pounds since starting therapy, and I've gone back to eating dinners like before, with even a dessert, but I always make up for it with no lunches, breakfasts, purging, and exercise. I bet I make no sense. Simply put, yes, I think I would still have the mental ED for sure... That said, I often think, what if I was my 'dream weight' of 103 at 5'9.5" and could eat anything... I don't know about that one.

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