Emma Bovary (thefinalchariot) wrote in ed_ucate,
Emma Bovary

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A b/p session = getting turned on?

Well, hi there. My name's Katina, I'm 19 and I'm in recovery from Bulimia. I posted something similar in in_treatment, and I was told to ask the same question here, in hopes that more women will be able to help me or at least make me feel not so alone and messed up.

So here we go. When I used to binge, I would get very, very turned on. I would get the usual funny butterfly feelings and my lady parts would wake up and be like, "Hey there! How YOU doin'?" And then, 9 times out of 10, after I would vomit, I would find myself to be erm.. lubricated. Now please don't get me wrong and think that I was bulimic because I'm some crazy fetishist and that I like being thrown up on or something. This whole bit never started happening until I was about four months into being a full-fledged bulimic, and they continued for the next few years until I got help when I was 17.

So has this ever happened to anybody, or can someone give me some insight as to why it happened to me? The best I can come up with was that the b/p gave me such a rush of excitement, and I knew in my head that I wasn't supposed to be eating and I wasn't supposed to be throwing it up, but I did it anyway, and this maybe corresponded to my body physically getting turned on because of the taboo that I placed upon myself? I'm not really sure, to be honest, which is why I'm here.

Anyway yes, feedback? Please tell me I'm not a crazy, psychotic person with a subconscious affinity for sexualizing vomit. :(

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