slightly secretive (hushhushquiet) wrote in ed_ucate,
slightly secretive

Hi, all of you. First off, this is really one of the most interesting and thought-provoking communities I've ever found. I love reading through all the old entries!

Anyhow, I have a question about something-- and I'm curious to see if this is just me or if others have had similar experiences.

I've been diagnosed (quite recently, as I'm sort of grudgingly in recovery right now-- but that's another story all together) with Anorexia, although, technically, I'm ED-NOS since I'm not underweight and never have been. Now, that's sort of where this stems from-- even though I realize that my behaviors (severe restricting, extreme guilt associated with normal eating and really, really extreme self-loathing/very poor body image) are all suggestive of an eating disorder... I've never really felt as though I really have one. In fact, I feel guilty talking about it because when I do I feel like one of those annoying 'wanorexic' girls. I'm terrified of having to discuss it because I always feel like I'm just mongering for attention and pity-- or that I'm somehow 'unworthy' of the attention of my parents and/or the therapists I'm currently seeing. Like, because I've only really been having this thoughts and issues for about a year and because I'm not underweight, I don't deserve to consider myself as really being afflicted with something serious.

Now, I recognize that on some level-- this is the disorder itself. Like, my vision is skewed-- but the rational part of me still sees that I look healthy and normal and... well, in my opinion, not thin at all! Which makes me feel even guiltier for all of this.

Anyway, I'm... rambling and being incoherant. Hopefully this makes sense! :X Basically, I'm just wondering if any of you (ED-NOS sufferers or otherwise) have had these same thoughts/feelings, and whether they are truly ED-skewed thoughts... or is there some truth and legitimacy in this?

Thanks in advance for your input. :)

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