. (hope_is_swift) wrote in ed_ucate,

Hi everyone. I don't often post here, but I always read; but I figured that this is such a great resource that I'd step out on a limb. I've been struggling with Anorexia nervosa since I was fourteen (I'm now nineteen), & have had two serious goes at recovery. The first lasted about six months when I was sixteen, the second is coming very close towards its finale (unfortunately). I have been hospitalised as an inpatient several times, have participated in day programs, outpatient programs, group, & have been having individual therapy since I was fourteen. So that's just a little bit of background info on me.

But to my question. I'm currently having extreme anxiety when it comes to eating anything in front of people, especially going out (ie to a restaurant, a club, or the cinema with friends). I have my own little rituals that help me feel safe, & generally as long as I follow them, I'm okay. However, any small deviation from routine (such as eating out) sends me into panic. This entry: http://community.livejournal.com/ed_ucate/181493.html was particularly helpful in understanding that this is a relatively normal part of eating disorders, & having been diagnosed with OCD before, I can accept that. But my question to you, is how do I overcome this?

I am isolating myself from my friends, despite so desperately wanting to be with them. Being so isolated only reinforced my disordered behaviours. If I know going out is going to even remotely involve food, I refuse to come. How do I get past this? Have any of you experienced this, & if so, how have you overcome it? There has got to be a better solution than locking myself up at home, right?

Thankyou in anticipation.
♥ Katie xx

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