___abandon (___abandon) wrote in ed_ucate,

  • Music:


Hi some of y'all knew me as oh__ophelia

I have a question for thoes of you who are bipolar. Do you find with bipolar "swings"(im going to use the term "peronsality" for each swing and I hope that doesnt offend anyone) that both of your "personalities" are SO different that one has an eating disorder and the other doesnt? I know that might sound odd, but for the past month i've been consuming and laughing and not calorie counting, but today I could feel the shift within myself and I suddenly feel disgusted and burdened by the 20 pounds i've put on while not caring(note:it was a month of not caring and I put on 24 pounds, before hand it was about 2 months of obsessive caring and I lost about 40).

I ask because; sometimes I feel really fucking wrong. Like "do I not have an eating disorder!?". I'll note i've been bulimic for eleven years and I am NOT medicated for my severe bipolar, I suppose im just now REALLY noticing how I am SO in it and then my other "personality" is so normal, laughing, care free about food and all its hells, but I tend to lean more twards drugs/alcohol with it. Maybe im just that naive, but to see no connection in each "personality", makes me question who I am.

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