Erin P. (erinstotle) wrote in ed_ucate,
Erin P.

Do many of you notice that people with EDs have a hard time letting go of the past? I am not trying to generalize, but this is something I feel and see in many ED sufferers.

This is especially prominent in people who have been through two or more eating disorders. For example, I was near-anorexic and am now bulimic. I have a hard time accepting the fact that I've gained weight and my body will "never be perfect" as it once was. I can't let go of my old body. It's like going through puberty twice.

We try to fight our bodies. After gaining weight and eating more, we begin to purge, we begin to over-exercise, we even binge more than usual. We start trying new diets, new detoxes, and so on. I have done some things to try and let go - such as giving away most of my old clothing, or fucking the fact that I can never be a raw vegan ever, or realizing that eating 6 fruits is NOT a lunch. But these thoughts come back to me. How come I fit into these clothes before? How come I can't exercise for two hours a day anymore? How come I get hungry? How come I can't lose weight? What's wrong with me now? Why can't I do what I did before?

Jack Johnson puts it well: "Once you're broken, shape won't matter".

How many of you feel this way? That you can't let go of the past, no matter how hard you try?

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