lo.st (meltme_thin) wrote in ed_ucate,


Hey all,

I had tried looking in the memories, but i was unable to find the right subject.

I've been "in recovery" since about a year ago when I admitted myself to hospital. Despite frequent returns to restriction and occasional purging, I think I've been eating pretty regularly. I was just wondering if anyone else experiences extreme bouts of weakness where it is almost imposible to remain standing. Sometime i feel like I'm overheating, and my head starts spinning, and sometimes i even black out, but I can't even stand in fron of the sink long enough to wash a load of dishes before feeling this way. I currently am not attending school, nor do i have a job, but I am planning on moving out on my own (with roommates) by the end of july.

I guess i'm just wondering, I sometimes i get stuck in the mind frame of "if i'm feeling so shitty anyways then why should i bother recovering" Because I still feel so terrible. I Hate being so weak all the time, and feeling so deficiant, but i don't know what else to do, and the worse i feel about myself, the less likely i am to eat.

Also, did you guys have trouble making your own meals? I mean, I don't have the energy to stand over the stove, or even at the counter long enough to make anything much. so i'll usually just grab a bowl of cereal (or 5) because i don' t really have to do anything. I only really eat bigger meals when other people make them for me...

I guess i'm just rambling now, but i've written this post at least 20 times in the past couple months, but instead of posting it i get scared and then just delete it. I'm so conflicted, so if any of this makes sense to anybody, feedback would be greatly appreciated.


  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened