mountainofmine (mountainofmine) wrote in ed_ucate,

Distorted Body Image

The ED has severely distorted my self-image and while I'm trying to gain a bit of weight to be healthy, I still struggle with thoughts every day. According to BMI scale, I'm bordering on being in the healthy range, but I'm still amenorrheic.

I realize that not having my period means I'm still at an unhealthy weight for me, but I still find it hard that "my" healthy weight can't be at a BMI of 18.5. My perception of my weight seems to be drastically polarized. Somedays I feel like I'm huge, I think my cheeks are so fat I don't want to smile. Other days, which are somewhat rare but still exist (--especially when I'm drunk), I feel like I'm too thin. Has anyone else felt like this before? Why can't I just feel like I'm average? It's either too fat or too thin and it's seriously screwing with my mind.

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