Marla (moonlitxtears) wrote in ed_ucate,

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How Did We Get Here?

I had a strange moment of clarity last night. I was about ready to get into the shower, and I looked in the mirror. I was horrified beyond belief, as I hadnt looked at my body like that in a few days. I was bloated, and disgusting. I felt ENORMOUS. I immeditately burst into tears, and following my shower, did 200 sit ups before I could go to bed. Now, it was right as I was dropping off to sleep that I realized, for the first time: My eating disorder controls ME, not the other way around. This is a problem. Addicts have these too. But most of them actually do something about it.  I know that  an episode like this, while normal for me, does not happen to other people. They do not have emotional breakdowns over a little(in my eyes, A LOT) pudge in the bathroom mirror. I've been EDNOS for about 4 years now, but it has been in cycles, so I suppose I have just been in denial about how seriously distorted my perception is, and how sick I really am. My question is, when did you realize that your eating disorder had a real hold on you? And if you were treated, how long after this realization did you wait before you went? And one last thing. I just have to say, guys, this community is absolutely wonderful. It's great to see a group of people so open and willing to share what they know to help others. :)

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