I'm horrified of growing old, growing wrinkles and sagging breasts, thin hair, all that jazz...while the memory loss and slow deterioration of my brain is a little freaky, it's really the idea of looking old that makes me hate the idea so much. Even the deterioration of my body--osteoperosis, pain, et cetera--I'm not afraid of facing that. Just facing...my older, uglier face in the mirror.
I see a lot of comments about "live fast, die beautiful..."
I never want to get any uglier. I don't want my body to change anymore--
I am most certainly not waif-like or underweight. I have DD breasts and an ass and curves. I'm not interested in regressing to a prepubescant (sp?) state. I'm not happy with my body now, obviously, but...
Due to a birth defect and several years of self-injury, I'm already mutilated. I can handle scars, but anything that messed up my proportions or further messed up my face would probably make me kill myself.
I dunno. I'm not explaining this well. Eating disorders are so darn complicated (heh).
Well, hey, help me out here.